I’ve got a terrific headache, the kind that should be preceded by some form of debauchery. Not the case, unless you count giving my mom a swig of my pink vodka punch debauched. No, this is sinuses, stress, teeth-grinding, with a smidge of exhaustion.

Normally at this time of day on Monday, I’d have a houseful of friends and kids for the weekly playdate. This week, I postponed to Tuesday because I thought my parents were going to be in town today. They left before 7:30 AM, though. It’s all just as well. I’ve got mountains of laundry to do. Honestly, there are only three people who live in this house, and only one of us loses control of bodily functions on a regular basis. I have no idea where all the laundry comes from. It’s an age-old conundrum, I know.

Plus, an extra day at home without company provides another day of potty boot camp.

This morning I got word that one of my good friends and Monday playdaters had a death in her family yesterday. I haven’t talked to her yet, but I know she’s probably having a really, really shitty day, and I’m sad for her.

While I’m feeling bad for my friend and having seriously Monday playdate withdrawl, I’m basking in the pink hair love that’s come from friends and strangers, but not a select few other people. And in the midst of all this, I read this article on cnn.com this morning, which I know I shouldn’t have done because I knew from the headline alone that it would piss me off. I mean, Jesus. The title is “Do You Have a ‘Frenemy’”? This constitutes news? It didn’t help when I opened the article and it started with references to Paris n’ Nicole, and some girls from some MTV show I don’t watch that has nothing to do with music. Women who are friends, but partake in backstabbing and fighting.

I so don’t get this. For one thing, it seems like just another way to turn female conflict into news, when it isn’t. But hey! Everyone loves a catfight, right? Whether it’s “frenemies” or “mommy wars” or whatever provides the hair-pulling, face-clawing boner du jour.

Maybe this is an age thing, or a parenting thing, or a maturity thing, but I know I’ve reached a point in my life where I have no interest in the high-drama that, apparently, is supposed to define female friendships. Yes, I’ve been disparaged for bailing out of friendships that needed killing. I don’t understand that, either. If a relationship merits the term “frenemy”, it ain’t healthy, my friend. Maybe I’m getting lazy in my old age. Or maybe I’m really a guy. I no longer have any time or patience for fighting with people who I supposedly love who supposedly love me. Sure, there are always going to be disagreements in any relationship. But I’ve seen girlfriends be so cruel. I’ve been cruel, and I’ve had friends who’ve been cruel to me. I think I’ve finally gotten rid of the cruel friends and the ones that inspire behaviors in myself that I can’t be proud of.

I know, I’ve written about this before and I don’t really have anything new to say on the issue. Well, aside from the fact that I’m always saying how glad I am to have a daughter because girls don’t do things like get their urinating equipment stuck out the top of their diapers, thus hitting themselves in the chin with their own urine. But I wonder what her friendships are going to be like, and I dread that she’ll probably go through all the meanness girls inflict upon each other. I hope not, and I hope I can teach her the right way to deal with it. Friends don’t treat each other like shit. I guess that’s a good place to start.

At any rate, when I first saw the CNN article my initial response was, “No. I don’t have ‘frenemies’. I’m a grown-up. A grown-up with pink hair, but a grown-up nonetheless, who’s a little blue because her friends didn’t get to come over and play today.