New rule! If your birthday is in the last ten days of January and we do not already have an established relationship, I’m afraid I cannot be friends with you. The same goes for my kid and your late-January-born kids.

I’ve lost track of how many people I know who have birthdays in the last ten days of January. This wouldn’t be a problem, except weather and winter viruses conspire to make me uninclined to celebrate. To whit: right now I should be celebrating Courtney’s birthday with The Funky Butt Brass Band. Instead, I’m home, in my pajamas, watching PBS with my scabby chin. Clara Jane’s got a cold, and after a day of running errands and handing her 489 tissues, I’m too damn tired.

Tomorrow, provided she doesn’t turn into a snot monster overnight, Clara Jane has a birthday party to attend. Wanna see the cute gift I made?

I even got a bakery box to wrap them in, which I attempted to personalize with the child’s name. “Fresh from _____________’s Sweet Shop”, written in a red Sharpie that died after the second letter. Pretty!

The party’s at one of those bouncing facilities, and I really hope the snot stays away because Clara Jane’s extremely excited. I’m having visions kids slipping and sliding on mucus-covered inflated vinyl.

After the reptile experience birthday party two weeks ago, all birthday parties have become terrifying and fraught with possible hazards. Being eaten by a legless lizard. Breaking bones after slipping in snot. For Clara Jane’s upcoming party, we’re renting a facility at a local park. It’s on a hill way over a lake. I’m giving all the kids water wings and a foam noodle upon arrival.

Another friend is having a birthday party tomorrow. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never made it to one of her birthday parties.  Considering Clara Jane’s precarious nasal situation and her party tomorrow, I’ve already told her we’ll once again be missing her celebration.

Although by then, I might need to run screaming to a locale with grown-ups and beer.

I was going to do a shuffle/genius thing, but I’m too busy playing the first-line song game on Facebook.