June 26, 2004
Clara Jane's Finishing School for Girls
Clara Jane's Guide to Dinner Party Etiquette
1. When your guests arrive at your home for dinner, it's best to present a casual, relaxed image. Passed out cold across Father's chest on the couch works nicely.
2. Offer your guest (in our example, Miss Narnia Hope) the use of your quilt on the living room floor. Have plenty of extra blankets on hand just in case your guest is 6 weeks more advanced than you and needs the extra cushioning when she crashes into the hardwood floor.
3. It's impolite to not join your guests at the dinnertable. Scream loudly so that they won't miss your presence.
4. When your father brings you to the table, where he will eat with one hand while holding you with the other, it's polite to let your guests know that you have already eaten. This can be accomplished by spitting up pureed peaches and formula down your father's shirt.
5. When communicating with your dinner party peers, it's impolite to interrupt. Establish a reparte' in the conversation. Wait your turn. Once your guest stops screaming, feel free to interject with your own screaming. Likewise, your peer should feel free to respond once you cease screaming. After all, witty conversation is all about give and take.
6. All good things must come to an end, and eventually your guests will be leaving. This is a sad moment. Let your guests know that you are sad to see them depart. You can best accomplish this by flinging your arms as wide as they'll go and screaming with such force that your tiny little bald head looks like a large beet that's about to explode.
Robin, Clara "Emily Post" Jane, Matt, and Narnia Hope
Oh how cute is that?? Even if she is screaming :)
Posted by: Mrs. Ed O'Brien at June 26, 2004 11:28 PMI still want to know the end of the Mick Jagger story! In fact, I don't think I heard the end to any of the stories. I remember lesbians, Mick Jagger, weddings, no shoes, and Detroit.
I dreamed of Joe Dirt's dandruff. I am very disturbed by this.
Posted by: Mae Midwest at June 27, 2004 09:45 AMMy mom said I need to learn to behave at dinner parties because mom likes to stay out past 7pm!
Posted by: Narnia at June 27, 2004 09:46 AMi just came across your blog from Claire/Poopscapes.. Just wanted to say I liked your work and my daughter is the same age as yours- and i am also a torrid mummy. God bless that place. When was your daughter born? My wee girl, Amelie Rose, was born on Feb 4th.
Posted by: Vicky at June 28, 2004 12:58 PMi just came across your blog from Claire/Poopscapes.. Just wanted to say I liked your work and my daughter is the same age as yours- and i am also a torrid mummy. God bless that place. When was your daughter born? My wee girl, Amelie Rose, was born on Feb 4th.
Posted by: Vicky at June 28, 2004 12:58 PMEeek! Sorry i posted twice!
Posted by: Vicky at June 28, 2004 01:00 PM