February 03, 2005
The Harsh Truth of the Camera Eye
I finished my hat. Like it?
I don't post many pictures of myself on my blog. It's not because I'm paranoid, or because I don't want people to know what I look like. I'm not trying to be a faceless enigma. Basically, I'm just lazy. However, the hat didn't look very hat-like, just lying on the desk. So, here I am in all my hat-bedecked glory.
With unwashed hair! And no make-up! And poor aim (but give me some credit - the composition's not bad, considering that I was holding my camera over my head and guessing)!
I think I've found a new look. I generally don't look so damn sinister, but I think it suits me. It might suit me better if I did something about those eyebrows. They look like they are on the verge of leading The Fuzzy Caterpiller Parade.
But this isn't about me; it's about my hat. This is the first hat I've ever knit, and I'm pretty pleased with it. Mentally, I've been thinking of it as my therapy hat.
A few years ago my friend Kicking Bear (where the hell is she, anyway?) told me something ... I can't remember if this was something done by someone she knows, something she read, or something she saw on Oprah. Whatever, it was a brilliant idea. This woman was sick to death of her family bugging her all the damn time, so she bought a hat. Whenever she wore the hat, they weren't allowed to talk to her unless the house was on fire.
Around this time I was having an issue with B. I couldn't take a shower without him coming in and striking up a conversation. Now, those of you who have cohabitated know that sometimes, the only "me" time you get is in the shower. Quite frankly, I'm generally not in the mood to discuss the state of the world while waiting for my conditioner to work. Nor do I want to discuss the family budget while I'm exfoliating. Make plans for repairing the furnace while I'm shaving my legs? Sweetheart, I shave my legs four times a year. I need to be able to focus while I'm doing it. If I have to carry on a conversation while trying to remember which direction the hair grows, there's a good chance you're going to have to call 911 when I gouge an artery.
I threatened to utilize Kicking Bear's suggestion. But instead of a hat, I was going to get a shower cap, preferrably a clear one with polka dots. If the shower cap's on, don't you dare utter a word to me. Unless I'm bleeding. Then shut up and call the ambulance.
Likewise, be careful if you see me in my brand new therapy hat. It means that I'm going through a rough patch. It means my hair is unwashed. And if I don't have the wherewithall to wash my hair, then I certainly don't have the wherewithall to deal with what you're about to hand me.
I used 100% cotton yarn for the hat. That means it's breathable, stretchy, and safe to wear in the shower when things get really bad. And it will make a nice tornaquet if the need shall arise.
Posted by Robin at February 3, 2005 10:51 AM | TrackBackThe hat is awesome--and I rarely use the word Awesome. Very Dirty Grrrl--and I mean that in a good way, of course.
Posted by: FP at February 3, 2005 12:11 PMHey PoppyMom your hat is REALLY cute! I have about a million knitted hats/scarves/gloves that I mooch off of my knitting-able friends. I have so many damn winter accessories I need to replace Pam Oliver on Monday Night Football just so I can show them to the world.
Found your blog by the greatest accident. I love your writing!! Thanks for brightening my day!
I just liked the fact that you used the term "wherewithall" twice in this post AND referred to your eyebrows leading The Fuzzy Catterpillar Parade. Now mine wont have to march alone... :-)
Me likey the hat!
P.S. I've always been terrified of The Fuzzy Catterpillar Parade, which explains why I've been so neurotic about plucking my eyebrows since the age of 12. Yes, it's already a cold hard fact: I have issues.
Posted by: Blossom's Dad's Ho at February 3, 2005 04:15 PMlove the hat! :)
and i've rather recently become obsessed with the fuzzy caterpillars, so i pluck incessantly. and if i evey have to get on a plane without my tweezers, you better stop somewhere i can buy a new pair on the way to the hotel. :)
Posted by: kara at February 3, 2005 06:15 PMthat hat ROCKS...love the colors.
Posted by: kat at February 3, 2005 07:13 PMLove the hat! :-)
Posted by: Jessie at February 3, 2005 08:55 PMThe hat is tres cute.
And congratulations on the perseverance in finishing it.
I have a box of all the embroideray (sic) I've ever started that lay half-finished...for some reason I actually think I'm going to finish them.
ha ha
Posted by: mrs at February 3, 2005 09:22 PMHere, here, here I am. I LOVE THAT HAT!!
Matter of fact, if my memory serves me, there is a certain male at your house who promised me a scarf and hat a few years back. I mean, why else would he ask if my head was about the same size as yours? I guess he figured since we have so much in common, our heads must be about the same size.
I've been a bit MIA lately due to the extremely demanding schedules of my spoiled and mostly ungrateful offspring. They've both developed a bad case of the "I miss Auntie Poppy" nags, so sooner or later, I'm going to have to load 'em up and make the trek to Poppyland.
Think we could make an even trade for an afternoon.....I'll entertain the precious baby girl and you can entertain the two stinky boys for an afternoon....
Posted by: PKB at February 4, 2005 07:12 AMThat is a kick-ass hat.
G. does the same thing to me when I'm reading in bed - he starts asking me what the book is about, where do I think we should put the baby when it comes, etc. Makes me crazy. Fortunately, I usually have a hardcover book from the library in my hand to hit him with. I would use the razor the same way.
Posted by: Lunasea at February 4, 2005 11:06 AMShit, I thought I was original. I wear a pink hat when I want people at work to leave me alone.
Posted by: Mindy at February 4, 2005 03:19 PMI have a handknit hat that I wear when I need to feel safe. I actually wore it at work all of last Friday. I told everyone I was cold. :)
Posted by: Sibeal at February 4, 2005 09:36 PMI keep meaning to ask if you're planning on going to the St Louis Knitters Guild at the library this Saturday... I'm planning on going. I guess I'll be easy to spot! :D
Posted by: Timothy at February 7, 2005 10:25 PMNo library for me this weekend, I'm afraid. My daughter's first birthday is next Tuesday, so we'll be out of town this weekend, celebrating with my extended family. Maybe next time!
Posted by: Poppy at February 7, 2005 10:41 PM