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Today, Clara "Power to the People" Jane had her 15-month check-up. As I was turning into the hospital's parking lot, I noticed a car in the lane beside me driving very slowly. The driver was holding an 8.5" x 11" piece of white paper against the passenger side window - the window closest to me. There was a rather frantic-looking message, scrawled in thick black marker:

John Kerry: Supported by Socialists, Terrorist, and Some Democrats.

Dude.

What the fuck?

Now, my first reaction was pure, blinding anger. I mean, one of the stickers proclaims that I'm a mother - a mother who happens to be turning her car into the parking lot of a hospital that treats a lot of sick, sick children. Thank God Socialist-approved higher being my child was just going for a routine checkup, but holy fuck. I can just imagine what it would feel like to be a mother with a sick child, in the process of trying to get help for said child, only to have some wing-nut (which, apparently, is Poppy's Word of the Week) tell her she's a terrorist.

Now, I hate to wish ill on anyone. I really do. I honestly believe in my bleeding little heart that all humans are inherantly good. Misguided and deluded, but good. But I've got to say, I really hope the driver of that car was on his way to the proctology wing of the hospital for a round of anal scoping. Not just because he has it coming, but because anyone who feels the need to admonish my political beliefs in such a manner obviously has something wedged in the rectal area that needs removing, stat!

Seriously. Such behavior must have been caused by something very painful and humiliating, like anal fissures.

If you've been reading this blog since it started, you might recall that, during those early months of Clara Jane's life, when my hormones were really out of whack, I used to talk about my strong desire to keep some of her shitty diapers in my truck for the sole purpose of flinging them at drivers who pissed me off. I haven't had that urge in a long time, but by God Heathen Idol, it was there today!

Wouldn't that be a hoot? All the socialist terrorist Democrat mommies like me, flinging poppy diapers at drivers whose politics displease us.

And further, Dude - Kerry lost! I'm over it. You should be, too. Let the anger go. It's just going to make the fissures worse.

Yeah, I know, John Kerry still holds public office, but he's representing people in "Tax"achusettes. We live in Missourah and we're represented by Lee Greenwood and Toby Keith. You can sleep easy at night, knowing that our state is protected from the big, bad liberals by Bluntman and his sidekick Bunny.

I must say, I do hope that the next time he holds up that sign while driving, that his fissures get extra-itchy, distracting him further so he rams that car of his into a tree. I just hope it's not a tree that me or any of my Mother Jones Playgroup and Liberal Terrorist Cell friends happen to be hugging at the time.

As for Clara Jane's appointment, she's astounding. Twenty-seven pounds, 29" tall, and with verbal skills in the 2 - 2.5 year-old range. "Just wait," my mom told me. "She's taking after you. Don't be surprised when she's five years old and you catch her sitting on the curb during a parade, arguing politics with a decrepit little old woman, the way you did."

I'd say she's well on her way.