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June 12, 2005
early
I'd like to think that if my neighbors realized how close I am to motherfucking snapping, and how thin the thread holding my mental health together really is, they wouldn't leave their dog outside all night, where he barks his goddamn head off until we let him into our house, since they're not home, where he will keep me awake until 2:30 a.m. with all his motherfucking pacing, whiny and attempts to eat my cat. After all, if he's going to keep me awake all motherfucking night, I'd rather he do it in my house, instead of in my yard where my other motherfucking neighbor can and will all the cops on us for having a noisy motherfucking dog who's not even ours.
I'd also like to think that if my daughter realized how close I am to motherfucking snapping she wouldn't wake up at 6 a.m. on the morning after Neighbor's Dog-Wrangling Night.
I called the neighbor repeatedly last night, leaving messages for them to call as soon as they got home so they could take their motherfucking dog home. They didn't. So when Clara Jane woke us up at the asscrack of dawn and the motherfucking neighbor's dog was still in my house, I thought, "The neighbor's car better not be parked in front of their house, and they better be motherfucking bleeding on the side of a motherfucking road somewhere." Not that I was wishing this on them, just that that is the only excuse for their negligent dog and Robin behavior that I was willing to accept. Not the case. Car's home.
Bet the motherfuckers are sleeping. Bet the motherfuckers, who's son spends every weekend with his grandma, had a motherfucking good time last night doing grown-up things, while I spent my motherfucking Saturday night having dinner out with a shrieking child, followed by a trip to the mall where we could walk around and see other young parents with shrieking children, parents looking dazed and like they could use a motherfucking drink because shit, when did walking around the mall with a stroller become a big, fun way to spend a motherfucking Saturday night?
And my motherfucking neighbors, without a care in the goddamn world because they know we don't have a social life, that we'll just be sitting at home anyway with our child, so we'll take care of the motherfucking dog they didn't bother to put in their house, where he would be dry and fed, because we always take care of their motherfucking dog without being asked, are sleeping it off all snug in their motherfucking bed in a room without a pacing motherfucking dog and a shrieking child. Why? Because we're good people, and good people are easy to take advantage of.
Apparently, being a good person doesn't entitle one to a motherfucking night's sleep that lasts more than four motherfucking hours.
I'm so motherfucking sick of being good people, but I'm too motherfucking tired right now to be bad people.
Posted by Robin at June 12, 2005 06:53 AM
Comments
That's when you call animal control and have them take MF dog. Then neighbors have to pay to get their dog back.
Then go away for one night. Leave on every light, open the windows and turn the stereo as loud as it gets.
Sometimes being bad is fun!
Posted by: bari at June 12, 2005 08:08 AM
Dear fellow socialite and good person,
Thats motherfucking sucks. Aw shit, i'm too tired to come up with something creative. I would have knocked on their door with the MF dog when clara woke you up...Hand her over and say now i watched you barking dog all night, you can watch my crying kid...JK I would never hand over my kid but I would return the dog and wake their asses up.
I hope you get a nap today.
Posted by: mindy at June 12, 2005 10:15 AM
you are a good person (i almost typed "god person").
i think you should have woken up the neighbors. they deserved it.
Posted by: kara at June 12, 2005 12:45 PM
I too am tired of taking the high road. I'm tired of being the one who actually *acts* like an adult.
Let the neighbors know that they need to take care of their dog because you are no longer able to due to Clara Jane's sudden but intermittent Dog Fear that always seems to strike when their dog needs something from you.
Posted by: Liz at June 12, 2005 01:10 PM
Oh, we did wake them up. B. called them at 7 a.m. to inform them that we were letting their damn dog out and they needed to fetch him, pronto.
The main thing that keeps me from calling animal control is that I do like this dog. And really, I like these neighbors, too.
B. talked to them today. I did not allow myself to talk to them, as I was in a new asshole-makin' kind of mood. The neighbor apologized profusely and will be giving us a key to their house. That way, if they're gone and the dog is outside being a pain, we can let him in. I can live with that.
Posted by: Poppy at June 12, 2005 02:30 PM
Well, see there? It sounds like they're not actually "motherfuckers" if they're willing to do that. Maybe just plain old garden variety "fuckers". ;)
Posted by: beege at June 12, 2005 03:44 PM
You are so lovely. I hate that the mofo's are giving you shit but I love the fact that you love that dog too much to take it out on him. And I'm sorry your daughter is greeting the dawn - so is Oz - what is it with these babies? Sleep for fuck's sake!!!
Sending you 50,000 fairy wishes for some sleep tonight.
Sal x
Posted by: Sally at June 12, 2005 04:19 PM
I have no idea why my comment says it's from beege - cos it's from me - sally - I've filled in all the correct info at the top! Maybe it's cos I've got the remember me thing ticked....
Anwyay it's me - not K getting confused!
SALLY xxxx
Posted by: Sally at June 12, 2005 04:20 PM
Ok i just realised I was reading the line above. Ignore me. I also have spent the day with a whining, snotty, coughing grumpy baby. Who woke up at 5.40 this morning.
Posted by: Sally at June 12, 2005 04:21 PM
God do I love Sally!! :-)
I was just going to suggest that you get a key to these folks' house so you can let the dog in and no one goes nuts but y'all already got that worked out.
I'm praying for the sweet sleeping fairies to visit y'all too.
Posted by: DixiePeach at June 12, 2005 05:04 PM
