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July 21, 2005
Heatwave Lockdown - Day 1
Captain's Log: July 20-something, I never know the date, 2005.
Time: 11:22 a.m.
Outside temperature: 92 degrees F.
Heat Index: 101 degrees F.
Number of children's books read: 8
Number of times Black Cat Creeping has been read at insistance of child who doesn't realize it's not Halloween: 4
Number of minutes napped: Big fat fucking zero
Highest levels of decibels reached by child's shrieks: 134
It's the first day of Heat Warning 2005 and my pale, pale child and I have taken to our house for protection. Unfortunately, my pale, pale child needs daily time outside the house, lest she become crazed from the utter lack of stimuli provided by me, her mother and captain.
I fear this lack of stimuli is causing the child to snap under the pressure. She has developed a fear of sleep. Specifically, she fears that, if she falls asleep, she will eventually wake up and to her horror, everything will be exactly as it was when she fell asleep. This has put the child in an extreme state of agitation, and has left me with a diminished capacity for fulfilling my captain's duties. For I, too, fear sleep. Case in point: last night, after the child awoke at 12:30 a.m., I was able to spend 15 minutes soothing the child back to sleep. However, so fearful was I of drifting off to sleep only to be jolted awake by yet another nighttime screaming fit, I, too, was unable to sleep.
We are tired. So very, very tired.
Please send emergency back-up provisions in the form of a nanny, a bottle of Ambien, some baby Benadryl and a case of vodka.
Posted by Robin at July 21, 2005 11:21 AM
Comments
I have the Ambien covered. I'm not using it anymore and have A TON OF EXTRA REFILLS.
Wait. I think this is illegal.
Posted by: Wendy at July 21, 2005 01:40 PM
How 'bout I bring you a bottle of absinthe? For you, not Clara Jane - unless you think she can handle it.
We'll make sure she doesn't touch the flaming sugar cube.
Posted by: DixiePeach at July 21, 2005 02:58 PM
oh dear woman, my folks are in this weekend....they have no idea about the heat....
Nothing like being stuck inside with a woman going through menopause who is being treated like shit by the elderly and a non socializing man. The yellow tempered one probably will explode and I'll start shreiking.
When this weather breaks at some point would you like to do grant's farm with the small round one?
Posted by: mindy at July 21, 2005 03:24 PM
I was going to offer you my Ambien that I'm not using but I see Wendy's already offered hers. Poor things -- I hope you get some sleep soon.
Posted by: Katya at July 21, 2005 03:42 PM
Hi from a new reader (came here via cranky mommy, I think). I LOVE your captain's log. It sounds very familar. Great blog.
Posted by: Marcia at July 21, 2005 03:43 PM
How about a pack of Camels to go with that vodka? S'all I can offer, baby.
Posted by: Big Daddy B at July 21, 2005 04:42 PM
shall i come prepared with liquor tomorrow?
Posted by: kara at July 21, 2005 05:25 PM
It's familiar for me, as well, only add one older brother who keeps taking toys and causing screaming fits.
Posted by: Jane at July 22, 2005 11:28 AM
