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A law in our fair state went into effect last week, requiring a birth certificate, passport, or Certificate of Citizenship in order to obtain a driver's license. It's called the Show Me Proof Law. Because when we call Missouri the Show-Me State, you better by God believe it. As a state, we're very skeptical. Citizens who aren't skeptical are systematically shipped to Iowa, which is much more trusting and naive.

The law has been in effect for a week, and already Chuck's in trouble. He went to renew his driver's license this week without any of the now-required documents, and it was a no-go.

No pun intended, but what about a grandfather clause? If someone's held a license in this state since the day they started requiring licesnes, don't you think that maybe they should get around the law? Of course not! That would sully our skeptical reputation.

Chuck was born in 1924 in rural Arkansas, where not much was done in the way of record-keeping. Like Iowa, Arkansas is also a gullible neighbor of hard-ass Missouri. And even though Chuck has spent most of his life traveling, the only foreign soil he's ever seen was Canada and Mexico, which didn't require a passport.

There's one way around Chuck's lack of documentation: Chuck has to get two people who knew him when he was born almost 81 years ago, and get them to vouch for him. Now, obviously this isn't a simple task. For one, the streets aren't exactly teeming with people older than Chuck. And the ones who are out there probably don't remember much about 1924.

But by sheer stroke of luck, Chuck has two older sisters who are still alive and willing to put in writing that no, he's not a criminale trying to sneak across the border. The sisters have to be present, together, with a notary public when this letter is written. More luck: they were planning on seeing each other this week. Now, we just have to hope that they don't partake in that nasty habit of octagenarians - dropping dead all of a sudden-like - between now and next week's notary meeting. If that happens, Chuck won't legally be able to drive to the funeral.

Assuming all goes well and Chuck's sisters live well into their 90s like most of his other siblings - or at least well into next week - there's still the issue of the state's processing time on the paperwork. Chuck's already looking at new forms of transportation to keep him moving during this long, aurduous process, and here's what he's come up with:

1. About 10 years ago, Chuck decided to finally learn to ride a bike. He found a super-cool Pee-Wee Hermanesque bike, and learned to ride. Eventually - I guess the novelty wore off - the bike found its way to the rafters of his barn. He's now trying to get it down, and making plans to buy a basket so he can run all of his errands and get stuff done.

2. My dad recently had his horse Bubba trained to pull a cart. Chuck has inquired about using said horse and cart until he's deemed legal and safe to be behind the wheel. Because, you know, driving a horse-drawn cart down the middle of highway 65 is so much safer than possibly being an 80-year-old illegal ailen behing the wheel of a car.

3. Speaking of horses, there has been talk of Chuck and Viv just saddling up ol' Sonny and Lexi and riding into town when need be.

Personally, I think Chuck needs to get some rollar blades and Viv can give him a pull into town. Or Chuck can pull Viv. Either way.