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July 04, 2005
Things I Like About Being American
For the past few years it seems like there are so many displays of overwrought patriotism that it's all become sadly cliche'. So this Independence Day, I've taken it upon myself to dig past the star-spangled magnet car ribbons and the Toby Keith bravado and really look at what's great about being an American:
-As Americans, we are able to eat enough cheese grits at 11 p.m. to make us feel slightly ill by bedtime.
-Lunatics armed with nothing but a Sharpie, a piece of paper, and a vehicle have a free and open forum for expressing their opinions.
-When your redneck neighbors are sleeping off their firecracker-bursting hangovers tomorrow morning, you are free to release your baying and barking hounds promptly at 7 a.m. to legally and freely exact your revenge.
-If you want to wear a rainbow wig to a football game, not only can you do so, but it's happily accepted.
-If you think drinking vanilla vodka tonics is a good idea, that's a-ok and no one can stop you (although somebody probably should because, ew.)
-You can pretend to be a blow-up doll all you want without fear of being carted to jail for making weird choices.
-If you want to bestow your kids with names like Scythe, Blade, or Katana Summer Storm, go for it! Your free to smack whatever beat-down-inducing name onto your child that you want! Trust me: my kid's first name is Clara Jane. I know.
-When you're being rebellious, questioning, argumentative and self-righteous, it's not because you're an asshole. It's because you're an American, and the foundation of this country is based on being rebellious, questioning, argumentative and self-righteous, which people unfortunately seem to forget.
Posted by Robin at July 4, 2005 07:40 PM
Comments
Pure perfection~ Happy Independence Day to you~
Posted by: NuggetMaven at July 4, 2005 10:16 PM
Hmm nice baby names. I personally think that my first will be named Flaming PuPu Platter and then the next would obviously be Combination Plate #2.
Other names in the ranking would be Shishkabob, Kongi and Tart. Currently Tart is being used by Riley but I'm sure he'd share with honor.
Posted by: Mindy at July 4, 2005 10:46 PM
Yes any country that uses Chiz Wiz and jello is crass enough and tolerant enough for me.
Taheara Rosheeti- that is what a girl in high school named her kid. No ethnic reference, she made the damn thing up.
Posted by: Lisa V at July 5, 2005 09:43 AM
My husband works in a hospital where a woman gave birth to twins. Not having picked out names, she perused the luncheon menu and came up with Orangello and Lemonjello. They're roughly pronounced "Oh-ron-jalo" and "La-mon-jalo" with emphasis on the second syllable. I am not making this up. It happened in sunny Springfield, IL.
Posted by: Lori at July 5, 2005 05:18 PM
I like it that when you leave the country, people expect for you to dress badly, act like an idiot and not speak the language.
Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist at July 5, 2005 05:31 PM
In reference to "Sarcastic Journalist"... honey, most people that stay in the country dress badly, act like idiots and don't speak the language. Go to Wal Mart and take a peek - they don't usually bite, but they sho' is ugly!
Posted by: Big Daddy B at July 5, 2005 05:56 PM
