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September 09, 2005
Britney Spears is a Stupid Twat
Before I start pissing and moaning, I must - must - rail on this, which I found at E! Online:
MOMMY DEAREST: Britney Spears telling Elle magazine that being pregnant is "mind-blowing" but "therapeutic." The star also said that she hopes to have a C-section, as she doesn't want to go through the pain of giving birth.
Britney, you are a stupid fucking little twat. Seriously. I can't think of a better way to say it. Well, I can, but the word I have in mind is vile, begins with C, and I only allow myself to use it once a year and I've already used my 2005 allotment.
I hope Britney remember this when they stick a big ol' catheter up her cooch to drain the piss out of her bladder. And when her C-section incision feels like it's about to burst into flames. And when she's passing blood clots bigger than softballs. Because that's what happens when they slice open your muscles and uterus, then you sit around for a day while the blood pools in your body. It's gotta go somewhere, Toots.
Yep, that's so much less painful than a vaginal birth. I'll tell ya, I would have taken the pain of a vaginal birth instead of the pain I've had in my C-section incision every single day for almost 19 months.
And most importantly, I hope Britney's post C-section gut, with its flabby, useless abdominal muscles hangs low enough to block any view we might ever have of her crotch ever, ever again.
Do I sound angry today? Really? Oopsie. My bad.
I'm beat. Really, really beat. And I feel guilty bitching about being beat with so much shit going on in the world right now. So I'm obviously choosing to aim my bile at Britney.
Want a run-down of the past two weeks?
Sat., Aug. 27 - Kara's mom suffers stroke.
Sun., Aug. 28 - Huge, possible marriage-altering fight with B. that's still not resolved and won't be for awhile.
Mon., Aug. 29 - Hurricane Katrina.
Tue., Aug. 30 - Clara Jane develops raging ear infection.
Thur., Sept. 1 - My mom goes in for surgery on her sinuses.
Fri., Sept. 2 - Beloved family patriarch, Chuck, was sent the the emergency room late Thursday night. In hospital for observation until Saturday. Chuck's got a strangulated hernia. Requires surgery once holiday weekend passes.
Sat., Sept. 3 - While B. is away, Clara Jane begins vomiting. Vomits a record seven times in two hours. All but two of those vomits are on my person.
Sun., Sept. 4 - Reprocution of being vomited on repeatedly: child passes virus on to me. Sick.
Mon., Sept. 5 - Still sick.
Tue., Sept. 6 - Whole family sick.
Wed., Sept. 7 - Sick? Us? You better believe it. Manage to hang out with Mindy at the uber-cool house of the uber-cool Allison, owner of uber-cool Squaresville. Cut billions of quilt squares to be used in quilts for hurricane victims.
Thur., Sept. 8 - Chuck's hernia surgery. He's doing fine. But hey, he's almost 81 years old. Any surgery's going to be pretty serious.
Fri., Sept. 9 - Try to run errands with mostly-well and fanatically whiny child. Get five minutes into Target run when she starts bellowing, "I go sleep! I go sleep!" Rush through shopping, skip grocery store, break speed of sound to place child in bed, only to have her not go to sleep for another two hours. Once child is asleep, find Britney and perform C-section myself.
Posted by Robin at September 9, 2005 03:10 PM
Comments
Oh Poppy, I'm sorry you are having a shitty couple of weeks! Sometimes its just all too much isn't it? And I hear ya about the c-section...my first went fine...I mean walking around that night, vitually no scar, not a lot of pain...BUT, MY 2ND? My 2nd is the reason there will be no 3rd! I swear my obgyn stapled my uterus to my heart and then tied it to my knee because really, it hurt to move and it hurt everytime my heart beat or I would breathe! I would have rather had my vagina ripped out during a vaginal birth than go through that 2nd c-section again!!
Posted by: stillheidi at September 9, 2005 03:42 PM
Hey! I was just about to call out the search and rescue dogs! I'm sorry it's been so colossally shitty for you.
As for Britney: I was catheterized with my vaginal delivery, so she won't escape that either way. And *I* think she wants it so she can have a tummy tuck at the same time. So: no post-partum flab.
Look into how many celebs go C, and then take a look at their 6-week postpartum shots. Other than cleavage from currently trendy breastfeeding, most of them look like they're about 16.
Posted by: beege at September 9, 2005 04:00 PM
we need posts like that. Wait til britney discovers she isn't flat tummied in two days. Reproduction's a bitch. So many choices that rock so many lives.
Sorry about fight with b-man. that kinda makes him like batman.
Posted by: mindy at September 9, 2005 05:48 PM
Hey Poppy, I just found out that Britney hasn't and can't donate much to the Hurricane relief (even though NOLA is her home town) because she has to replace her original wedding ring set because it wasn't big enough. I about flipped when I heard that. Can I call her the "c" word? I haven't used it yet this year!
Posted by: redheadeditor at September 9, 2005 08:02 PM
What a stupid little witch. I had a C-Section 2 and half years ago and the skin in the surrounding area is just now starting to have feeling again. After the pain went away it was numb. Nothing helps a woman keep those pounds on quite like a C-Section. Idiot!
Posted by: clipgirl at September 9, 2005 08:54 PM
God how I despise that dumb, trashy little whore.
Jesus Harold. What the fuck is wrong with her??
Posted by: Jack's Raging Mommy at September 9, 2005 09:35 PM
there are no words to describe the idiocy of britney.
ohmygod. she's just so....augh! stupid cunt. :)
Posted by: kara at September 9, 2005 09:58 PM
Leave her alone, guys...someone replaced her prenatal vitamins with stupid pills. I have 2 beautiful children; the first was kind enough to make his entrance the old-fashioned way, while my second opted for an emergency c-section. I GLOATED, let me tell you, after my first labor about how little pain I was in. After my c-section, I needed help wiping...Of course, Britney probably already pays someone to do that for her. Personally, I won't miss seeing that cunt's midriff.
Posted by: Michelle at September 9, 2005 10:45 PM
ergh, anyhow she should have done what she did.
i hope all health things look up for you.
it just depends. i've heard bad about both types of birth. of course that rip up to my anus wasn't that great.
adoption sounds pretty painless!
sounds like britney would have been better off doing a... what's that actress who adopts the asian kids, with the big sexy lips? i'm blanking. i'm tired. i know who she is....her. anyhow, that is what britney should do.
i bet she will give the poor kid some poodle-y name.
Posted by: kira at September 9, 2005 10:56 PM
Whack Britney
http://www.gamelinks.com/link.php?action=detail&id=1
Posted by: B at September 9, 2005 11:46 PM
Much like Tom C, I wish someone would staple her mouth closed...much like they'll staple her gut closed. Idiot. It leaves a mark, you know.
Posted by: Jane at September 10, 2005 09:06 AM
Poppy, I have no such dignity or class, so I'll say it for you.
CUNT!!! Stupid, worthless, talentless, idiot CUNTY CUNT! I just hope someone has DCFS on speed dial for when Cheeto McCletus makes his or her entrance, to take that poor child away from those miserable...Wait for it...CUNTS!!!!
Posted by: missbanshee at September 10, 2005 03:13 PM
well, many have already said it for me, but she is a cunt. and i also hope her floppy gut covers said cunt afterwards. may i also slap her in the face? ahread of time i mean.
Posted by: jenB at September 10, 2005 10:55 PM
Hey, Poppy...sorry things have been so tough these last few weeks. I know the feeling. I'm glad to know that you let it out...on that stupid #$*&. (I've used the c-word this year...on the #$*& that's dealing me all my grief right now.) Much love...hope things get better soon.
Posted by: Marybeth at September 13, 2005 04:03 PM
Twat is an understatement. Try fucking idiot. As the survivor of TWO c-sections... 1 word for her "OUCH!".
Posted by: Crits at September 13, 2005 04:44 PM
Looks like she got her wish.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20050914/en_celeb_eo/17362
I hope her scar is ugly.
Posted by: A at September 14, 2005 04:51 PM
I hope that when her incision gets infected, she has to sit on the toilet twice a day while Cletus changes the dressing on her oozing sore and applies gurgling peroxide washes while she passes blood clots out her cooch.
Not that I've experienced anything like that. Or put B. through anything like that.
Posted by: Poppy at September 14, 2005 04:56 PM
