<

Sept. 13th - Oct. 7th: Place pattern in storage container with other forgotten sewing notions. Forget.

Oct. 8th: Corner wriggling, screaming child. You know, the one who goes ballistic during every pediatrician visit when they try to measure her head? Yeah, that kid. Measure her for costume. Debate merits of duct taping the child to the floor to prevent injuries to both parties.

Oct. 9th, noonish: Hobble around the hell that is Wal-Mart with an injured ankle. Purchase candy corn-colored felt.

Oct. 9th, oneish: Realize forgot to purchase padding for costume.

Oct. 13th: Purchase padding. Add to forgotten container with pattern and candy corn-colored felt.

Oct. 24th: Sick realization that Halloween is a week away. Have forgotten location of forgotten storage container. Locate container. Place on dining room table. Forget.

Oct. 25th, oneish: Ponder working on costume while child naps. Ponder for a full hour, until child wakes up way too early from nap.

Oct. 25th, sevenish: Complain to blogosphere about how costume ain't gonna make itself.

Oct. 25th, seven-nineteenish: Contemplate distaste for the word "blogosphere", as well as dislike of candy corn. And circus peanuts.

Oct. 26th: Blow off costume-making in favor of dinner with friend.

Oct. 27th: Repeat.

Oct. 28th: Panic. Frantically begin work on costume. Forget how to use scissors. Stab self in the left hand.

Oct. 29th: Repeat. Stab self in the right hand.

Oct. 30th: Give up. Let the child go to Boo in the Zoo dressed like this:

When people inquire about her costume, tell them she's going as a half-naked damn dirty hippie.

Oct. 31st: Too cold to be a half-naked damn dirty hippie. Construct hump to place on child's back. When people inquire about her costume, tell them she's going as Riff-Raff from Rocky Horror Picture Show. To whit:

Clara Jane's natural hairdo:

Commercially-available Riff-Raff wig that we won't need to purchase, thanks to Mother Nature:

Nov. 1: Eat clearanced fun-sized Snickers bar. Throw sewing machine from roof.