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November 30, 2005
In Which I Get All Original and Bitch About the Mall
For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to haul Clara "Blatant Consumerism" Jane to the Galleria. I blame Summer and her pretty new Anthropologie frock for this uncontrollable urge. Not that Anthropologie is open yet, but Urban Outfitters is. And while I hate their politics, I do so love to fondle their pretty, pretty fabrics. So off we went.
I'm not a big fan of shopping malls. I love to shop, but I prefer little one-of-a-kind shops, thrift stores, and the online realm. We won't talk about my little Target addiction. That's a story for another time. My trips to the mall are fairly rare. In fact, it had been over a month since I last set foot in a mall. And then it wasn't to shop; it was to interrogate Kara regarding her activities after my birthday party. She just happened to be trapped at the mall, so I had to go there for my questioning.
Malls after Thanksgiving? No, thank you. So it's really messed up that I felt the need to go today. At least it wasn't crowded. No, my beef has much more to do with mall planning.
First and foremost: I fucking hate department stores. Why do I hate department stores? Because I can't walk into one without immediately becoming hopelessly lost. I just know one of these days, closing time at Lord & Taylor is going to roll around, and a janitor will find me curled up in a puddle of my own urine under a rounder of clearanced Sigrid Olsen trousers, hungry and weeping because I've been lost under that rounder since half an hour after the mall opened.
Now, I have an amazing sense of direction. I never get lost. Well, rarely. But put me in a department store, and there's a chance I may never be heard from again. It's because department stores are designed to get you turned around. If you can't find you're way out, the logic goes, you'll spend more money.
Does this actually work? I mean, I can see how it might work if I happen to get so hopelessly lost that I have no choice than to take up permanent residence in a dressing room. Otherwise, I can pretty much guarantee that I'm pissed off enough about being lost that buying myself a pretty new purse ain't gonna fix it. And that's saying a lot, because pretty new purses have been known to work wonders for my disposition.
Second, while I don't expect the world to rearrange itself to accomodate my child's stroller, I'm still perturbed by how many stores arrange their crap in such a manner that it's impossible to maneuver a stroller through the store (Restoration Hardware, I'm talking to you). Because if I can't get my stroller past your intricate displays, there's no way a wheelchair can make it through.
I found this most disturbing at Baby Gap. That's right. I couldn't get my stroller (which is a bit on the small side) past the overwrought displays at Baby Gap. Does this stirke anyone else as being a poor business strategy?
And finally ...
The Galleria has been undergoing a large construction project, which includes replacing the mall's one elevator that isn't hidden in a department store (thus insuring my unfortunate disappearance). Again, not an issue for most people. Just those of us with strollers or wheelchairs. They were kind enough to post a lovely mural on the side of the construction project, apologizing for the inconvenience, which included a numbered lists of options in coping with the loss of the elevator.
I read the mural as I approached and I found myself saying, "Please don't suggest taking the stairs or escalator. Please don't suggest taking the stairs of escalator. Please don't let humanity be so far-gone and helpless that using the stairs or escalator has to be suggested on a large, professionally-designed mural when the elevator is broken."
1. Please considering using the stairs or escalator, located on either side of the elevator.
And that's why I threw myself down the elevator shaft today. Well, I would have, but my stroller wouldn't fit.
Posted by Robin at November 30, 2005 09:27 PM
Comments
Oh I totally agree! It's made even worse when you have a screaming Troll Baby who wants to toddle through the mall, stopping to lick those fake trees in the middle of the mall, getting his shoe caught in the sewer-like encasing they have said tree planted into, and trying to guide the wayward toddler through the crowds of people. Shopping with child - not an option anymore. Not unless it's my good-child. And Troll Baby is not my good-child.
I'm so going to freecycle my stroller since I obviously don't need it anymore!
Posted by: Karen Rani at December 1, 2005 12:54 AM
Oh man, the elevator... suggesting using the stairs as an alternative? Not cool - especially when you're shopping with a wheelchair-bound boyfriend! Although... giant signs near the elevator when it's working again, suggesting people use the stairs would be nice. Nothing worse then waiting for a mall elevator for 5 minutes, and then it getting to your floor and being too full of perfectly-capable-of-taking-the-stairs people... who don't make room and take an escalator two feet away from the elevator (this is a regular scenario at the Eaton Centre).
Posted by: Laurie Skirrow at December 1, 2005 05:58 AM
Oh Karen, I didn't even mention Clara Jane's stroller antics yesterday. She didn't fuss about it too much, but she's found a delightful new game: she stands up (as much as her seatbelt allows), then throws her body back into the seat with every bit of force she has. She did this yesterday about a nanosecond after I placed a brand-new, flaming hot latte in the cup holder, turning into a big ol' coffee geyser that showered both of us.
Laurie, I hear ya. I hate it when able-bodied people use elevators to go just one or two floors when stairs are right there. Sure, there are times when the elevator-rider might have some issue that's not obvious, that makes taking the stairs. But often it's just laziness. I know I'm guilty of it every now and then, and I always feel like crap afterwards. Navigating that stroller really drives home how unaccessable many places are, though. Makes me mad.
Posted by: Poppy at December 1, 2005 07:51 AM
Oh Good Lord. I love babysitters. Too bad you don't live closer - we could hire one to watch both anti-good-children and go shopping, sipping non-geyser lattes and trying to avoid talking about them.
Posted by: Karen Rani at December 1, 2005 08:20 AM
Honey, B and I have been run over by people rushing by us to beat our entrace into department store elevators.
Why yes, he's paralyzed and in a wheelchair. That obviously means he's got plenty of time to allow you, rude ass person, to block his entrance so he can wait another five minutes for the elevator. He doesn't have a thing better to do!
Luckily our main mall has huge elevators. No shit, you can get like 25 people in them. With strollers.
Posted by: DixiePeach at December 1, 2005 05:08 PM
I went on a shopping trip to the Galleria about two weeks ago. That Dillard's store is ginormous! They were having some special promotion when we were there, and the crowd was insane! I did like the mall though, because we don't have any of those stores around here. (I was not impressed by Urban Outfitters. The stuff seemed overpriced.)
Posted by: Cass at December 2, 2005 10:14 AM
Hey! The Anthropologie is open. That's where I tried on the dress, silly.
Can't do that out here in the corn.
Well, I suppose you could. IF you wanted to do yourself up in corn bits. But why would you want to? You wouldn't.
My point exactly.
Posted by: Summer at December 4, 2005 01:56 PM
