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I thought it was just a momentary thing, overcome by the sheer cuteness of a young, happy family spending a perfect afternoon in the leaves. And like all those occasional moments when my resolve to remain childless melted, I assumed the resolve would come back once I moved away from the damn window.

It did come back, but not fully. Those images stayed lodged in my head. Eleven months later, I was informed that I had one treatment option left and if it didn't work, I'd be facing a hysterectomy and my resolve was destroyed.

Of course, you know how this story ends. The treatment worked and eight months later I got pregnant with Clara Jane.

Today, another perfect autumn day. B. raked a mountain of leaves in our backyard while Clara Jane and I played in the sandbox. Once the mountain reached my waist I walked over and flung myself into the pile, flat on my back, B. and Clara Jane joining me. We burrowed. We flung armfuls of leaves into the sun. I asked B. if he remembered that day when we watched the neighbors playing in the leaves.

"I do," he said. "You've been waiting a long time to do this, haven't you?"

That's right. In all those years when I didn't think this was what I wanted, I was still waiting for this moment, the moment of pure happiness. I just didn't expect that moment to be when everything is dappled in chilly sun and I'm surrounded by the warmth of my daughter burying me in leaves while I hold my husband.

(Tons more photos of our day in the leaves here.)