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March 16, 2006
My Day, Chunky-Style
I'm too tired to string together real paragraphs, and don't have anything particularly paragraph-worthy. So you're getting dots. Dig in!
- I'm still not 100% over the flu that floored me two weeks ago. I'm still having head drainage issues, which means I'm also having gag reflex issues. You really don't want to know this, but sinus drainage tends to activate my over-sensitive gag reflex, which means I throw up a lot. Why yes, it sounds horrible. I prefer to think that it makes me cat-like, just like my stealthiness (not hardly) and my ability to vertical leap three times my height and catch flies in my mouth (not at all, and even if I could, I'd probably gag on the fly and throw it back up). Anyway, while throwing up this morning, I think I unhinged my my right jaw. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to get braces to correct heave-induced TMJ. I wonder if they can put a special transmitter in the metal that will send signals to my brain and correct my neurosis.
- Clara Jane thinks there are only three songs in the world, and we must listen to them over and over at all times or the music will die: "Come Together" by the Beatles, "City of Blinding Lights" by U2, and "Love Like a Truck" by the Bottle Rockets.
- My in-laws are coming to town this weekend. If they're lucky my jaw will, indeed, be so damaged that it will have to be wired shut before their arrival tomorrow.
- Remember when I had some problems with Clara Jane shoving dried peas up her nose? And the time we had some issues involving great fistfuls of fried rice being jammed up her nostrils? Frankly, if I documented every item this child has crammed up her nose in the past seven months, I'd have to start an entirely new blog titled "Crap My Daughter Has Put Up Her Nose". I guess I could also start one called, "Guess What Made Me Throw Up Today", but I'm pretty sure readership for both sites would be low. And the people who would read them? *shudder* Anyway, it seems like there's either something going into or coming out of my kid's nose. It's like the automatic door at Target, except it's really unpleasant. If, say, this throw pillow or this fabulous clock happened to come out of her nose, I wouldn't be so appalled by the amount of nostril traffic in this child's life. However, I think her nose-cramming days might be over. Tonight, she shoved a large piece of crusty, pointy breading from a chicken tender up there and found that it doesn't provide the same amount of joy as six dehydrated peas. Turns out, chicken crust hurts. Let that be a lesson to us all.
- I wrote 11 pages today, and incorporated four previously-written pages that I thought I was going to have to throw out. Hello, track. I'm back on you.
- I'm so fucking sick of traffic that I'm thinking about setting fire to my truck.
- Know what else I hate? Liberty Tax Service. Not for tax reasons. I hate that they have people dressed like the Statue of Liberty and Uncle Sam dancing like ninnies thisclose to busy streets. Around here, they hire these people from some sort of job service centers, basically offering a degrading, miserable job to people who are desperate, and I feel really sorry for them.
- That being said, about two years ago Kristina and I were driving down a busy street and saw a jaunty fellow dressed like a smiling pizza slice outside a pizza place. He seemed so happy - he was doing cartwheels, for God's sake. Cartwheels! We stopped and asked if we could take his picture. He said yes, but it was the saddest voice I've ever heard. So sad I refrained from asking if he'd pose with my newborn. It's just him in the photo, a smile sewn into his costume, but I'm pretty sure he was weeping on the inside.
- If it'll get me out of all that quality in-law time, I'll gladly dress up in a green velvet Statue of Liberty costume and do cartwheels in traffic.
- Remember the boobie scarf auction? Take a look at the too-cute scarf recipient. Scarf #2 is nearing completion.
- I should probably cut it out with the dots and go make boobies, shouldn't I?
Posted by Robin at March 16, 2006 08:50 PM
Comments
Here I was, happily contemplating shoving a chicken leg up my nose. Then you went and ruined it. (Sigh.) I could probably make do with some mushy peas.
You're going to tell us where we can get your book when you're done with it, right?
Posted by: Moose at March 16, 2006 11:45 PM
OHHHHH I love it when your inlaws come to town. I mean, they are almost as entertaining as Stacy's stories. Do you need a new chair? I can find my way to your house to save you if you need me.
Posted by: pkb at March 17, 2006 09:52 AM
The consolation to Clara Jane thinking there are only three songs in the world is that at least you know she has good taste in music! My daughter has awful taste most of the time (except for when she likes the stuff I like. :) )
Posted by: Katya at March 17, 2006 01:20 PM
We always need a new chair. And did Robin find a restaurant for you, if you have an extra chair.
Posted by: B at March 17, 2006 03:20 PM
Wow, the whole Wilco/in-law-horror weekend is here already. Good luck. And say hi to Blossom's Dad for me! And my lovah man, Jeff.
Here's some links for photos...
The Humiliated Papa John's Pizza Slice (remember when he fell down during his act?):
Posted by: Blossom's Dad's Ho at March 17, 2006 03:31 PM
Moose: If a publishing house buys my book, I don't intend to let anyone know. I'm really afraid of success.
PKB: Fuck the chair. Bring bourbon.
What B.'s referring to: we went to a restaurant in St. Charles last weekend where, if you bring them an old dining room chair, they give you a free margarita.
Ho: I'd forgotten about the pizza falling down! No wonder he was so sad. Thanks for the photo links. I've got paper copies of them, but no digitals. I almost emailed you to see if you could email them to me last night, but I was too lazy.
Posted by: Poppy at March 17, 2006 03:37 PM
NO WAY! How funny is that? Did you think of me when you went to that restaurant?
Posted by: pkb at March 17, 2006 04:35 PM
