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March 06, 2006

Waiting for the Fairies to Show Up

We're going to leave the house today. Really. I know it's 10 a.m., and we're both still in our pajamas, and we have to be home no later than 12:30 so I can be the Nap Nazi. But really! We're going to leave the house! I'm just waiting for the magic fairies to show up, clothe us, bathe us, and fantastically transport us to a mall with a candle store. In the meantime ...

  • Do you remember in the mid-90s, when David Letterman had these dice with different words on them? He'd roll them and would ponder if the word combinations would make good band names. My favorite? Stomach Monkeys. Anyway, since then I've been obsessed with coming up with bad band names. This weekend, I found what might be the absolute best one. In the spirit of Grand Funk Railroad, I present you ...

    Monkey Steam Train!!
  • You know how I have a problem with dates. Rather, I'm always looking for caldendar coincidences and such, and reading far too much meaning into them. You also might recall that I have some serious birthday issues. Bad things in my life seem to happen on our around October 22. Well, this weekend I was watching the History Channels two-part series on the Antichrist, I learned something that explained everything. October 22, 1844, was known as The Great Disappointment. Some loon calculated that as the day Jesus would return to Earth. Thousands of people believed him and became a bit bummed when his prophacy proved wrong. My revised list of bad birthdays: 19th - grandmother died, 15th - involved in car accident, -128th - Jesus ditched the party.
  • The other night, Clara Jane was having a tender moment with her doll-baby, cradling it her arms and gazing into its eyes. She said, Oh my tiny little baby. Do you need a kiss? Gently, she brushed her lips on the doll's cheek, then stuck out her tongue and, with an audible slurp, licked the doll from chin to hairline.
  • This is from The Cuz, courtesy of our hometown newspaper. You'd think the team from the Literary Council would place higher than third in a grown-up spelling bee.
  • My child, the doll-licker, is about to be kicked out of daycare. Even though she enjoys 3-hour naps quite often at home, she has opted to spend her daycare naptime hollering, kicking the wall, and doing things I saw re-enacted in that Antichrist series last night. If she doesn't cut that shit out, I'm going to be required to pick her up before naptime, meaning I'll be paying for two hours of childcare they won't be providing, and losing two hours of my work time. I guess I missed the stipulation in their guidebook that they will provide the childcare I pay for, but only if it's super-simple and shit. Thus, my new status as Nap Nazi.
  • I'm going to kill the stupid motherfucker who bought my child a train whistle. Oh, wait ... it was me. Nevermind. Earplugs, please, for the racket of Monkey Steam Train working out their signature sound is giving me a headache. The magic fairies have opted to form a drumline, and it's going to be a long day.

Posted by Robin at March 6, 2006 09:54 AM

Comments

Babies are an excellent source of bad band names. My husband's band vetoed Crusty Eczema Ears and Seedy Mustard Poop with hardly any consideration at all. So not fair.

Posted by: BabelBabe at March 6, 2006 03:18 PM

OMG. I have a running list of band names. I like Glitter Monkeys alot. And Aggressive Blessings.

Posted by: Julie at March 6, 2006 07:57 PM

Ack, you're bumming ~ Claire selected one of those steam train whistles as a prize at Happy Joe's Mildly Crappy Pizza and Exceedingly Loud Arcade Emporium a few months ago, and our quality of life has suffered for it.

Re band names: I'm not sure what kind of music they would play, but I rather like the band name "Jesus ditched the party" ~ !

Posted by: Stace at March 7, 2006 10:39 AM

I love bad band names - "Yak Bath" is one of my favorites.

I got a chuckle out of picturing Clara Jane licking her dolly....hee hee...

Posted by: carrster at March 7, 2006 12:09 PM

My blog name/user name is actually the name of a hardcore punk band I was in back in the late 70's.

I wish we'd thought of Stomach Monkeys though.

Posted by: June at March 7, 2006 12:46 PM