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April 20, 2006
Questinable Parenting
I was looking yesterday, and I noticed that I've had more days this month where I haven't blogged than days where I have. Not that I feel guilty about this. I don't. I love all of you, really I do, but you don't own me, dammit. You understand, I'm sure. Well, most of you probably do.
So, what's kept me away? This week, it's been the book-writin', which is finally getting back on track. I've stopped threatening to take the manuscript and light it afire, which counts as progress. I went to the coffeehouse to write for the first time in three weeks today. Wanna hear my excuses for the last two weeks? Two weeks ago, I got two hours of sleep on Wednesday night, so I opted to dump Clara Jane at daycare, then return home to sleep. The next week, Clara Jane woke up screaming in the middle of the night with nightmares on Wednesday night, so we both stayed home the next day.
Speaking of Clara Jane and screaming ... four weeks ago, she moved up to the next level in daycare. Ask me how it's going. Go on. I dare you. I motherfucking dare you to ask me. How the transition. Is going.
Not well. That's how it's going. Not well at all. Unless we're trying to teach Clara Jane how to cope with abject terror, or how to scream louder than all the other children, it's not progressing as we'd hoped. She's learned to cling to my leg like a 34-pound piece of Clingwrap. That's a good life-skill to have, I'm sure.
Today, we progressed like we have every time we've gone to her new classroom: we walked in ... scratch that. I walked in, with my perfectly able-bodied child, the one who sprints like a puma, in my arms, screaming like a babysitter in a bad horror movie while using my boobs as a step-ladder to propel herself over my shoulder so she can run! Run for sweet freedom!
Once I pryed my hysterical child from my body, my shirt saturated with snot and tears (mine and hers), I tracked down the woman who runs this freakshow and told her that it's not working and we've got to do something different. I don't care what. She offered to move Clara Jane back to her old classroom.
In the five minutes it took me to get from her classroom to the coffeehouse, I got a call from the daycare director, informing me that my child's fine and will be staying in her new room, where she had a delightful day of crafts, songs, naps, and telling everyone that she loves to eat "Doggy Yum-Yums".
So, her new teachers have seen two things: 1) my child screams like she's being killed by jellyfish when she's in my presence, and 2) she might possibly eat dog food. If that doesn't merit a call to family services, well, I have no faith in the system.
Some other things that make me question my parenting skills:
1. Tonight I fed my child a casserole made with ham of questionable freshness for dinner.
2. During a 45-minute car ride yesterday, I indulged her repeated requests for The Beatles' "Come Together". No, she's still not over that song, thank you very much. I know there are much worse songs she could be stuck on. Like, anything by Elmo. Problem is, she's starting to sing along. My current concerns regarding my image at her Methodist daycare are nothing compared to what they'll be the first time she screams, "Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease" during circle time.
3. In similar news, I allowed her to watch a portion of I Am Trying to Break Your Heart with me this afternoon. Yes, it was 70 degrees and sunny, and we were sitting inside, watching a movie. I can make that another point on this list, if you'd like. And yes, I won't let my kid watch commercial television, but I'll let her watch a black and white documentary about rock n' roll hooligans. I don't know what part of the film she enjoyed most - the drums and guitars, or the smoking, cussing and record-label hijinks.
4. She's going to her 2-year check-up tomorrow. Yeah, she turned two in February. Shut up.
5. And finally, that thing about sitting inside, watching movies, on a gorgeous day as such.
Posted by Robin at April 20, 2006 05:57 PM
Comments
I love you, because you are like me but better. I think as long as you don't yell "I'm wasting the best years of my fucking life cleaning up after you!" you are fine. I did that twice. The first time the kids felt guilty and cleaned their rooms. The second time they metaphorically flipped me off. They wouldn't really flip me off because they are scared of me. With good reason.
Posted by: Lisa V at April 20, 2006 07:14 PM
well of course she wanted to listen to "Come together"! It was 4/20 after all!
Posted by: Annie at April 20, 2006 10:34 PM
My Mom ran a day care for years. Many a child would put on a good show of screaming and begging their parents not to leave them only to immediately stop the show and join the other kids playing happily when Mom or Dad were out of sight and hearing range. My Mom had a couple parents so quilt ridden and worried that she told them to pretend to leave and sneak a peek, to prove to thmselves that their children were not being subjected to animal sacrifices and torture.
Posted by: Kim at April 20, 2006 11:06 PM
"Hold her in his armchair you can feel his disease" -- LOL!
Posted by: Nancy at April 21, 2006 09:44 AM
Yep, I gotta agree with Kim. I know she's right, from personal experience, but it still SUCKS.
Cause the bad news is, Claire STILL does this at 5 1/2 (she did it yesterday AND today, and it still totally horrifies me and bewilders me and makes me cry in my car... I mean, she's been in daycare since she was 9 weeks old, you think she'd have knocked it off by now...). But the good news is, I've done the hiding trick, and it's true: within minutes of your departure they shake it off and run off and have fun.
All it actually means is that you're such a rockin' mom that Clara Jane is willing to try one all-out last-ditch effort to spend all of her time with you, even if daycare's pretty fun too.
At least, that's my mantra while I'm crying in my car. ;)
Posted by: Stace at April 21, 2006 09:46 AM
Something about "Ham Of Questionable Freshness" is just really stickin' with me... Like a name for a band or possibly a magazine. (Heehee!)
And putting off a Dr.Appt. by two months can't be that bad, I've got one coming up that I've been putting off for a few years and I'm just fine. ;) (I know I shouldn't have, but...) ;)
Posted by: Debbie at April 21, 2006 10:16 AM
Let me start by saying, she's entering terrible 2's. That's all it is. She's entering into mommy anxiety. It will pass. Make your entrances into day care quick. Get in, get out! That will help some. Make her walk, walk fast, then you run.
Jenna turned 4 in Jan. I'm just now getting that 4 yr old check up done on Monday. Maybe.
Cassie
Posted by: Cassie at April 21, 2006 12:39 PM
Well. You know. Just as long as you didn't make the casserole out of the doggie yum-yums.
Posted by: Dixie at April 21, 2006 04:59 PM
Just wanted to say that I continue to love your writing. And no words can express my adoration of the boobie scarves.
Posted by: Moose at April 24, 2006 05:52 PM
