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June 14, 2006
Depression Blindness
One of the worst parts of depression - all the parts are the worst, really, but play along with me here - is that it creates a kind of blindness that makes it impossible to see what's right in front of one's face. It's like looking at a flower and only noticing the one wilted petal and an angry bee who's giving you the evil eye(s). Depression shrouds the part of the brain that recognizes all the good.
On Monday, when things were at their worst, I caught myself thinking, "Nobody wants to be around me and I don't blame them one bit. I'm wretched. I'm awful. I'm a pain in the ass who can't do a goddamn thing right." I think I might have even said it outloud at one point.
That was the blindness talking because sweet lord, so many of my friends have reached out in the past few days.
There's Mary, who has this radar ... it's uncanny. She knows when I need a boost. It's either a superpower, or she's the one person who's figured out that when I'm not blogging, something might be amiss. She called on Monday with a lunch invitation.
And Allison, who's trying to get me to join her in making fun of art quilts and drinking iced mochas.
Angie always knows when I could use a Venti hazlenut latte delivered to my door.
Jill's wanting to get together, despite dealing with her own two-year-old and mysteriously ill infant.
Julie's trying to get me to pay her a visit in Nashville, and I'm damn near on the verge of hopping in my car and going. Now. Because it sounds like so much fun. Nevermind that she sent me what is, officially, The Nicest Email Ever Sent to Anyone.
And what about PKB, leaving work and coming to my rescue yesterday. PKB + used crap = a happier Robin. There is nothing, I mean nothing more fun than digging through the Goodwill with PKB. We have this magic when we're together of finding the funniest crap in the world. Yesterday's winner: a white porcelain piggy bank from the Restless Leg Syndrome Association. Which brings two questions to mind: 1) Is this really a condition that merits an entire association, and 2) Is it a good idea to give them breakables?
Honestly? How can you feel bad when you locate things like this:
It's really hard to be sad when you're busy running for your life before Satan Raggedy Ann & Andy can eat your brains.
Unfortunately, the photo doesn't accurately depict the 3-D quality of the red yarn hair. That hairdo illustrate's Ann's disdain for restrictive Eurocentric beauty norms. Good for her.
And all the sweet comments left of my recent blog entries ... each one punctures that shroud and lets in a little more light. And a little more corn, but that's okay. We like corn.
Even Chloe, the poor dog who's been the target of my anxious hand-wringing all week, has jumped on the Be Nice to Robin bandwagon. This morning when Clara Jane awoke, Chloe parked herself outside Clara Jane's door. When she heard me get up and go to the bathroom, she joined me. Just making sure that all's right in her world. Which makes me feel bad. If my stress has put the Most Mellow Dog Ever on guard, it must be bad. The fact that she doesn't have maggot breath, unlike that other dog, wins her extra bonus points.
B. rocks. That goes without saying.
The worst part about this week was the feeling that everything I'd worked to overcome seemed to be coming back with a vengence. But it didn't. It was stopped be my army and me. And corn. Lots and lots of corn.
Posted by Robin at June 14, 2006 01:25 PM
Comments
We have the ocean in NJ. It's pretty and peaceful. You could come see it if you want to.
Posted by: Zuly at June 14, 2006 03:07 PM
A day late and a dollar short perhaps, but I'm glad that there's a little more light being left in. You are sorely missed when you're not around. That's for sure.
Posted by: carrster at June 14, 2006 03:23 PM
Robin - I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling so low - and I am glad to hear that you've come out the other side somewhat. Friends are the best medicine, I'm just sorry that I can't be there for you too. Lots of love
Posted by: Zoe at June 14, 2006 03:25 PM
I'm so glad you had some positive thing come your way and I'm glad you've had people share their love with you when you're feeling down.
I'm also glad Chloe doesn't have maggot breath.
Would you look at how damned cute pkb is (and how hilarious those pictures are!)? I started to cry when I saw her picture because she looks so gorgeous and I miss her so much. I miss you both.
Wish you two would come see me. We'd go see Sal too.
Posted by: Dixie at June 14, 2006 04:34 PM
Oh gosh, I burst into tears when I saw PKB. Seeing that pic just makes me realize just how much I miss her.
I'm going to be in Memphis near the end of July and I tried to convince her to bring you down and meet up with me but she said it's around the time of the wrestling nationals. I still want us to meet up in Memphis. I'm very serious. We need to do this soon.
Posted by: BarefootCajun at June 14, 2006 04:55 PM
I was in your neck of the woods today because freakin' Mapquest couldn't give a person CORRECT street names to get to Incarnate Word Academy! When I crossed 170, I knew I had gone too far. I briefly thought about calling you in a panic asking for directions. Luckily I have the 7th sense (the Directional Sense) and spared you my own anxiety :)
Those iced mochas are still waiting. Plus, remember the hurricane quilts?
Posted by: allison at June 14, 2006 06:08 PM
I hope I can be the kind of friend that you are to me, Poppy.
Like you said, you've been the cool aunt for years, now it is my turn.
love and sangria,
pkb
Posted by: pkb at June 15, 2006 11:46 AM
was just bookmarking some of my fav blogs on my new hardrive and read this
sorry things have been bleak...hope they continue to look up
i am glad you have good friends to help lift you up, especially ones close by, that is a precious gift
Posted by: deb at June 16, 2006 08:41 AM
