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August 10, 2006

Dots of Weirdness

There is weird business afloat around here these days. Well, not really that weird, but it beats the whole lotta nothing that's also going on around here.

  • Would whoever vomited a massive pile of blackened blades of grass on my couch please stand up? That is, if you're able to stand up. Considering what that grass looks like, I'm assuming you're not in the greatest health. Or, you're Murphy and you're simply too stupid to hold your grass.
  • There's a house down my block that's had one redneck after another living in it over the years. First there was the biker with the angry German shepard. Then there was the guy who used a Confederate flag as a curtain in his front window. Next came the firecracker idiot from two years ago. He was also the guy who once got a beer bottle cracked over his head by another neighbor. The most recent resident of this house? He has a chain saw. He loves his chainsaw. A lot. He has no love for the large, formerly lush tree in his front yard. About once a week, usually on Wednesday, he spends the day lobbing off branches. But he doesn't lob them all the way off. He leaves about a foot of leafless stump from each branch jutting from the trunk. The first time he did it, B. commented on the look of glee on the neighbor's face while he hacked away at his tree. "I know that look," he said. "That look says, 'Heh heh. I'm changin' shit!'" My husband, he understands the male mind.
  • My parents made their local paper this morning. I'd post the photo, but I don't want to get the animal rights extremists on my case again. It was bad enough when they got all worked up because I thought this sign was funny. Now, I know there's nothing funny at all about dead baby chicks and ducks. I thought the wording of the sign was humorous. I didn't think that merited some loon telling me that she hoped my child would get carried away by an eagle. But I digress. My dad's training his colts, Cash and Sid, to lead. Sid would much rather stay where he is, thankyouverymuch. In the picture that made the paper, my dad's in one of his little horse-drawn carts. Bubba, one of the adult horses, is pulling the cart. Cash is blithely looking on. And Sid - sweet, delicate Sid - is rared back in a full buck as he jerks away from the rope. He jerked hard enough to bend the axle on the cart. Sid wasn't hurt, not in the slightest. But damn, that picture looks horrible. My mom expressed some fear that she'd wind up with PETA picketing on her front lawn. "I should just send them over to Aunt Helen's," she said. "She gave mouth-to-mouth to a dead dove yesterday. Probably gave her the bird flu."
  • This is an example of the weirdness I live with every day. A translation of what she's saying in the video: "Are you ready? Great! Let's practice our falls, Mama!" We have no idea where she came up with this. One day a few weeks ago, we were playing on the bed and she announced, "Are you ready? Great! It's time to practice our falls!" Then she goes board-stiff and free-falls backwards. I'd be worried, but so far she limits this activity to the bed. Here's hoping she doesn't move it to the hardwood floors.
  • Not really weird, but I thought this article about old people like me not knowing what's in the top 40 was interesting. According to this, the average 16-year-old knows every song on the top 40. Subtract one song for each additional year. By this formula, I should know 23 songs in the top 40. I think. Math's not my strong point. So, I took a gander at the Billboard Magazine's Hot 100. Out of the top 40, I should know 23 songs. I know ... six. I own one ("Dani California" by Red Hot Chili Peppers). One of them, I sort of know but probably wouldn't recognize right off the bat ("I Write Sins, Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Disco). Two of them I know from "American Idol". The others are simply earwigs I've had the misfortune to stumble across in other places. The fact that I've heard that awful Nelly Furtado/Timaland song twice, ever, and can recite the lyrics saddens me. At first knowing so few songs made me feel a tad old and crusty. But now I'm feeling rather proud of the fact that I know so little of it. It's the same kind of pride I have because I've never let myself listen to "My Humps" in its entirity, and hopefully never will. When it comes on, I react the same way Sid reacts to his leading lessons, and that's just fine with me.

Posted by Robin at August 10, 2006 01:30 PM

Comments

I knew nine but that's mostly because whatever songs are currently big hits are frequently used in commercials for TV networks - what shows are coming up this week, etc. Most that I know I've never heard all the way through.

And what in the hell is with all the "X by Whatever featuring Another Person" thing? Everyone has to feature someone else. Everyone just make one big ass band and be done with it, okay?

"She gave mouth-to-mouth to a dead dove yesterday. Probably gave her the bird flu."

Funniest damn thing I've read this week. Probably next week too unless you whip out a Murphy story.

Posted by: DixiePeach at August 10, 2006 03:55 PM

Oh my god, now I know where you get your great wit. Truly tell your mother that the internet says she is damn funny.

Posted by: Lisa V at August 10, 2006 04:48 PM

I only know the Paris Hilton song. And that's only because Mallory made me watch the video so we could have a mother/daughter bonding moment and ridicule it.

I listen to CD's and NPR in the car. It shows.

Posted by: Lisa V at August 10, 2006 04:52 PM

Me too -- CD's and NPR. I read through there and found a whole three familiar songs and I only own one of 'em but it probably doesn't count because I have the Tom Cochrane recording of "Life Is A Highway" from the summer that I took Driver's Ed. Oh dear, I too am becoming crusty and old...

Posted by: Debbie at August 11, 2006 10:03 AM

heh, I know one song. And like Lisa V, it probably doesn't count cause I only know someone elses version. Seriously, I don't even recognize like 90% of the so-called artists. And I concurr with Dix; What is up with all the collaborations?

Posted by: Annie at August 12, 2006 10:03 AM