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September 09, 2006

A Saturday of Dots

That's right. It's the weekend, and yet, I'm posting. This almost never happens! I must have something incredibly important to broadcast to the world!

Well, I don't.

  • Do you like quilt shows? Sure, we all do. And do you like to put on leather chaps and feel the rumbling of 100% American-made hog between your legs? Of course! Which is why you should envy Allison and me. We spent the afternoon walking the quaint cobblestone streets of lovely historic downtown St. Charles, Missouri, admiring displays of beautiful quilts both old and new, while the streets swarmed with Harleys.

    At one point, when a police car chirped its siren and made its way down the brick street, Allison said, "There must be a biker brawl." To which I replied, "Or a quilter rumble. Can you guess which one I'd pay to watch?" I like to think that one of the quilters guilds decided to get mean and nasty with a gang of Bikers for Babies.

  • When you were a kid, did you ever get really, really hopped up on frozen lemonade and try to play "Ring Around the Rosie" in your underpants? Did it look anything like this?

  • You know what annoys me? The gross overuse of phrases regarding spit-takes. Actually, the gross overuse of just about any phrase annoys me, but lately, things like "you made me spew coffee all over my keyboard!" irritate me. I don't hold anything against the people who say such things; I know I can fall into cliches just as easily as the next guy. See? I did it right there.

    But last night, oh, something really did make me laugh so hard I had to fight a valiant battle to contain the liquids within my mouth. While drinking a pumpkin spice latte - again - B. chose the exact moment after I took a giant swig to tell me this story, reenacted here.

    I fully admit that I find this far funnier than it really is. That happens a lot. Weird things strike me as funny, and I'll spend days busting up every time I thing about it or see even the slightest reference to it. I spent the entirity of my first semester of college howling with laughter every time I passed the big auditorium on campus where I saw Paula Poundstone do a routine about her cats vomiting rubber bands. Hell, I still laugh about that.

    Considering how completely irritating I am when I howl with laughter, it's probably advisable to tell me funny things when my mouth is full. Sure, I may choke to death, but think of all the people whose hearing would be spared.

  • Did you think I could go a whole week without showing you some crafty shit? When Clara Jane was born, my pal PKB gave her a darling little dress that looked like it was made from a chenille bedspread. The kiddo finally grew into it last spring, and since it had a bunny, she wore it for Easter:
    Clara Jane, her mimi, and the bunny cake

    I've saved a lot of Clara Jane's baby clothes to eventually turn into a quilt, but I couldn't bear to cut this dress. But what to do with an outgrown bunny dress? Let it hang in the closet and collect dust until Clara Jane's grown up and can throw it away when she sends me to that old folks home she saw on "Sixty Minutes" because I once posted a video of her singing "Ring Around the Rosie" in her plastic underpants? No! I'll just sew up all the openings on the dress, unbutton the back, stuff it with polyfil, button it, and call it a pillow!

    Bunny dress after

    Seams I'm onto something good.
    Bunny dress after

    Get it? "Seams"? Hehehehehe. Like "seems"? Yeah, well, what was Murphy chewing?

  • Chloe got groomed today. Or broomed, depending on how you look at it.
    Dog brooming

  • No, we still haven't finished installing our new flooring. Shut up. If you've got something smart to say about that, just shut your mouth, get your ass over here, and finish the job your damn self.

  • Last night, while I was choking to death on my latte, Clara Jane was playing with another little girl name Clara who had a sister named Chloe. That Chloe smelled a lot better than ours.

  • See why I don't post on the weekends? It never goes anyplace good.

    • Posted by Robin at September 9, 2006 10:11 PM

    Comments

    I died when I saw that video of B. chomping like Murphy. OMG, that is funny.

    I love the pillow. That was a great idea.

    Still laughing about the B. video....sooo funny. I'm going to HAVE to show that to Lance.

    Posted by: pkb at September 10, 2006 09:44 AM

    I'd watch Clara Jane doing anything.

    B was hysterical. Hysterical!

    See, now I'd have never thought of making a pillow out of that adorable dress. I think it's just perfect.

    Posted by: Dixie at September 10, 2006 02:57 PM

    I wish we had a pic of the Gold Lame Tanktop lady.
    And I was wrong-my brother was 12 pounds at birth. TWELVE.
    I also wish we had seen a quilter rumble.

    Posted by: allison at September 10, 2006 07:48 PM

    I wish we had a video of Gold Lame Tanktop Lady, bitching about the cops.

    Next year, we'll start the rumble.

    Posted by: Robin at September 10, 2006 11:19 PM