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September 12, 2006
Scenes From My Hometown
No, I'm not visiting my hometown; I'm safely ensconsed in my little suburban St. Louis world. But I had three things that made me think of my hometown yesterday:
#1 - I've been loving the photos from the Missouri State Fair posted on Flickr by St. Louisan Curioush. I haven't been to the fair in well over a decade, but it looks like it hasn't changed a bit.
#2 - My mom sent me The Scariest Email Ever yesterday. Apparently, the worst music festival in the history of the free world is coming to town! If you open that link without turning your speakers down first, may God have mercy on your souls and your hearing. Saliva! Drowning Pool! Some band fronted by a wrestler! This is some vile shit, people. Vile.
The summer before my second birthday, the Ozark Music Festival came to town. That's right, nearly 300,000 hippies converged on my little hometown to see Skynyrd, the Marshall Tucker Band, BTO, Jefferson Airplane, and, natch, Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
My dearly departed paternal grandpa, Don, was known to tell tales of seeing every single one of those hippies skinny-dipping in the creek that ran under highway 65 on the way to his farm.
While I was too young to remember this event, I wish I'd been able to see Grace Jones purchasing bottles of Robitussin at one of the proud-to-be-Sedalia-owned Bingaman Grocer stores in lieu of real drugs.
And you know what? I didn't know until just now, when I read the Wikipedia link, that Springsteen played the festival. Again, while I was too young to attend, I'd like to think that Springsteen's presence in my hometown during my tender age somehow turned me into the Springsteen nut I've been for most of my life. Maybe we skinny-dipped in the same creek at some point. I don't know, but knowing that he was there makes me far happier than it should.
Anyway, while the upcoming punkass angry metal-o-rama promises to only fill the town with 20,000 angry young white men and absolutely no talent, I've still warned my mom to not let my granny go to Wal-Mart that weekend. She's such a sweet lady and she doesn't need to see any of those people.
And no, I will most certainly not be attending that concert. Jesus, no.
#3 - You know you're gonna love this, because it involves The Cuz!
We don't come from the most touchy-feely of families, but damn if we don't come from funny people. In other words, don't expect a card covered with flowery shit when special occasions roll around. Expect an obscene bumper sticker stuck to your vehicle when you're not paying attention.
So, imagine my surprised when, through the powers of the internet, I learned that The Cuz had purchased an anniversary card for B. and me.
Aw, how pretty. A bird. And it's a bird that has something in its mouth, so it's unlike to peck my eyes. And peace. I love peace. It's one of my favorite things ever. Let's see what the inside of the card says.
And a happy Rosh Hashanah to you, too, my Baptist-raised kin! You do realize how badly this is going to confuse our Pentecostal granny come Christmastime, right?
But that's not all! There's a gift!
Mmmmmm ... anniverary tacos! Hometown anniversary tacos, even! Let's hurry on out and take advantage of this!
Oh, but wait! There's a catch!
Hmmmm ... I'm not familiar with Border Foods. Let's take a gander at their website.
Dammit! Looks like I have to go to Minnesota, Wisconsin, or Wyoming to get my damn anniversary/Rosh Hashanah taco. Best get in the car and get on it. Dinnertime's only three and a half hours away.
Best anniversary card ever! Because, although it's actually a card for a holiday I don't celebrate and includes a coupon for a free taco several states away, I can say in all honesty that I've never had an anniversary card that made me laugh so hard that Taco Bell Fire Sauce oozed from my ears until this one.
Brava, The Cuz. Brava.
Watch your ass come Shivaratri.
Posted by Robin at September 12, 2006 01:50 PM
Comments
I'm sure it's wrong in about 2098 ways that I laughed so hard that I cried when reliving this wonderful card-giving experience once again.
Trust me, though. When you've been standing in the aisle of Walgreen's on a broken foot for 30 minutes while waiting for your generic Vidcodin, you automatically start to get creative..
Also, VISIT MINNESOTA AND GET A FREE TACO.
Posted by: Wendy at September 12, 2006 03:54 PM
I've always been a big fan of creative card giving. My friend Brad gave me a "Happy 3rd Birthday Nephew" card when I turned 18. I returned the humor by having a subscription to Parents magazine delivered to his dorm. Yay for the 'cuz.
Posted by: Liz at September 12, 2006 04:17 PM
God, how I love finely honed wit!
Posted by: Dixie at September 12, 2006 04:36 PM
I love that you posted a link to Ben Folds on his 40th birthday. Along with Rosh Hashanah, Happy Ben Folds' Birthday! (Folds's?)
Posted by: Angie at September 12, 2006 05:45 PM
I can't stop laughing.
Posted by: Zuly at September 12, 2006 07:35 PM
oh, you're gonna LOVE this. worlds collide.
so several months ago over on myspace, a girl contacted me and asked if i lived in california... come to find out, she was my best friend in 1st grade - until we moved to sedalia. she LOVES fozzy! as in completely obsessed. she's planning on heading to sedville for the show from her home in oregon! i'd never even heard of them before her. are you singing 'it's a small world' with me right now?
as for the ozark mountain music festival - can you even imagine the havoc that wreaked on our sleepy lil hometown? when i did my internship at the police department in sedalia in 1990 (don't ask) the cops were still talking about it. that wikipedia article was too funny. thanks for that link.
i'm sorry about the tacos. maybe some blogger from one of the areas the coupon is valid in will overnight you some? mmmm.... yummy... taco bell, a day later.
oh, yeah - and happiest rosh hashanah to you!!!!!
Posted by: kara joy at September 12, 2006 09:35 PM
Fuck.
Even though you already told me the lineup, I clicked on that link immediately (before reading your warning of course). My speaker blew me out of my chair and my heart leapt out of my body.
P.S. I still think you need to see Thrust though. Hehe, I said thrust.
Posted by: Blossom's Dad's Ho at September 12, 2006 09:42 PM
That's just too cool! I've thought about buying a totally odd card a time or two, but I worry that most of my "card audience" would respond with something akin to "Uuuuhhhh, I don't get it..." ;)
Posted by: Debbie at September 13, 2006 10:08 AM
Wendy, I'm gonna keep the coupon and redeem it when I finally get my ass up there to visit you! Just on principle. And for the photo opportunity.
Angie, the Ben Folds lyrics on his birthday was just lovely coincidence. I didn't realize it was his big 4-0. I always get "Rockin' the Suburbs" stuck in my head when I see anything pertaining to bands like the ones playing at that festival, and it makes me giggle.
Kara Joy, too bizarre! I hadn't even heard of Fozzy until my mom sent that email to me.
Heh hehe. Exena said "thrust".
Posted by: Robin at September 15, 2006 03:09 PM
