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October 31, 2006
Halloween in America's Most Dangerous City
Did you see the news about my city? Yep, we're the most dangerous in the country. You know how I survive my crime-riddled existance?
I'm a thug.
So, how does one go about celebrating Halloween in the country's most dangerous city? At first we thought we'd flee to the next county for some trick-or-treating in a quaint, historic downtown, but they close up shop at 5 PM, which is far too early for thugs. Then we discussed going to the mall, but I'm across-the-board opposed to corporate trick-or-treating. Well, except for Trader Joe's. I had no problem going to TJ's today and letting Clara Jane mug the cashier for a goodie bag.
By 5:30 tonight, it seemed like the mall was our only option. Considering that Clara Jane woke up from her nap and declared, "I'm a-gonna get lots of candy!", we had to do something.
I had been out during the last bit of her nap, performing heists. When I got to our neighborhood, I noticed several houses of people I somewhat know were giving treats. When B. and Clara Jane met me in the driveway, I suggested that we load up the flamethrowers for protection and do some breaking and entering on our block.
We have messages like that scrawled all over the streets of St. Louis as reminders that it's dangerous!
Call 911! Call 911! Home invaders! Home invaders! Oh, wait ... it's just a toddler, looking for free M&Ms.
Our impromptu trick-or-treating, much like most of our direct interactions with our neighbors, was seriously fun. We talked to a lot of people we only talk to when we have rummage sales. They all fawned over Clara Jane and gave her enough candy to turn her pancreas to dust. When we encountered one family from down the block, they apologized for not being home, and made their 9-year-old son dig through his treat bag and give something to Clara Jane.
In a teeny-tiny little way, I hate that we had so much fun because I've finally gotten my head wrapped around moving, and this makes it harder. But that's stupid, because we had a blast. All these years of complaining about how Halloween has changed, kids don't trick-or-treat in their neighborhoods, blah-blah-blah, it seemed like maybe I should stop bitching and do something about it. I bitch and complain about my neighborhood, and yet, I rarely make the effort to be neighborly. When I do, though, I'm reminded that even though I don't have much in common with my neighbors, and some of them are annoying and, occasionally, the reason why St. Louis is a scary, scary place, most of them are kind people.
Of course, we don't live in St. Louis City, where the most dangerous crime stats came from. We live in St. Louis County, where all is butterflies and bunny rabbits. There's a bit of a spider problem, though. The problem being, I think someone slipped some crack into her Tootsie Pops because Jesus, someone take that crossbow away from her!
Posted by Robin at October 31, 2006 09:30 PM
Comments
I grew up in Flint, Michigan...well, on the outskirts...It's nice to see someone else get the worst city crown...wear it well my friend. It brings in all sorts of tourist dollars!
Posted by: Tina at November 1, 2006 06:06 AM
I thought that news story had rather ironic timing, coming as it did after watching HUGE & perfectly safe crowds downtown for the Cardinals rally. Yeah, it would be dangerous to be an unlocked luxury car left alone somewhere in the city. But dangerous for people in general? Not so much.
Looks like a great Halloween to be a spider!
Posted by: Lucinda at November 1, 2006 12:20 PM
Oh my goodness your daughter's costume is adorable!!
Posted by: Angela at November 1, 2006 12:47 PM
Your invitation to live in Pretty Town is hereby revoked.
We don't want your kind in our town. You might bring INSECTS. Perfectly adorable insects, but still. They're multiple legs! She could run off with our beloved jack-o-lanterns!
Posted by: Mary at November 1, 2006 02:11 PM
The extra four legs on that costume are slaying me. Which one of you geniuses thought that up? It's brilliant!
"I'm a-gonna get lots of candy!" I love Clara Jane's upbeat attitude! I love that girl!
Posted by: Dixie at November 1, 2006 03:52 PM
Yes, it is indeed 'straight thuggin'" here in South City. I heckled the kids who had no costume on (what is with THAT?) and made them tell jokes, then I gave them the lame candy.
Feelings were hurt, lame candy was given, and god forbid people felt safe at the haunted backyard Smokin' Man set up for the kids!
I'm going to go egg some cars now :)
Posted by: allison at November 1, 2006 08:06 PM
Tina, I know you're just as thug as I am.
Lucinda, I thought the timing was pretty ironic, too. Dangerous? Yeah. Total riot after the World Series. We burned this city down, we did.
Angela, as soon as I get a free moment, I'm heading straight to your blog. I read a little tonight and I"ll be back for more.
Mary, I will not bring an insect to Pretty Town. I'll be bringing an arachnid.
Dixie, there was much debate about the number of legs. I thought she should have eight on her back. B. thought four would suffice, and we could just count her natural limbs as spider-limbs. His idea won, only because I didn't have room to jam more black wire hangers into the floral foam that was Velcroed to her back. And I was afraid she'd tip over.
Allison, I can't believe you didn't get egged.
Posted by: Robin at November 2, 2006 11:22 PM
