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November 29, 2006
Day Twenty-Nine - The Scary Room
Do you have any idea how pissed off I'll be if I wake up with no power tomorrow because of the massive winter storm that's coming to destroy us all and I'm unable to post? You have no idea. Winter's wrath? Nothing compared to Robin's Wrath From Posting Every Damn Day for a Month and Getting Canned on Day 30.
Remember the deal with NaBloPoMo? How, if you didn't post daily, you should at least comment a bunch for those of us who are posting daily? You've totally fallen down on the jobs, you lazy slacks. Delurk, dammit.
I have a new sewing machine, which I ordered last week. I'm thrilled because, unlike my old sewing machine, this one doesn't weigh as much as my truck. It's plastic, and it feels flimsy after years of sewing on a machine made from Army tank metal, but I don't care because I can pick it up without the need for a lifting brace.
I wasn't home to receive my sewing machine delivery, and when I saw the UPS sticker on my door, I figured I'd have to wait until tomorrow to get my machine. Not the case, as the UPS carrier probably doesn't want to navigate the steep, usually unsalted road in front of my house. The note simply said, "under back porch".
I don't have a back porch.
I went to the backyard, expecting to to find the package under the flight of stairs that lead to the backdoor. No package.
I checked to make sure the dogs hadn't stolen it to make sparkly, scanty costumes for their Vegas act. No sewing dogs.
I peeked into the scary room, which really isn't a room at all. The previous owners built on a room to the back of our house that extends past the basement. The room's basically on stilts surrounded by flimsy walls. We removed the door several years ago. Or rather, our next door neighbor, Boy, removed the door for us by throwing a cinder block at it repeatedly. That's okay. Without a door, the scary room might seem a little less appealing to neighborhood junkies looking for a new crack den in which to squat.
Speaking of squatting, we have a toilet in the scary room. It's not hooked up to anything. It's just there. I can't recall why. I think Boy's parents gave it to us to replace the wobbly one in our bathroom.
You know, the more I write about the scary room and its contents, the more I realize that every single thing about the scary room requires explaination. In hindsight, I probably could have spent the entire month explaining the scary room and I wouldn't have run out of material. Anyway.
Boy's father worked in maintenance for an apartment complex and was always giving us cast-offs. I had an army of cast-off refrigerators in my basement during my catering days, thanks to Boy's day (Big Boy?). Although now that I think about it, who the hell wants a second-hand (second-ass?) toilet?
Point is, my sewing machine was perched on the toilet in the scary room. For obvious reasons that cracked me up, but not enough for me to go back inside and get my camera.
December is going to be NaShuUp&SewMo - National Shut Up and Sew Month.
Posted by Robin at November 29, 2006 09:14 PM
Comments
yes maam, i follow orders...delurking...
love reading your posts.
recently recieved a new sewing maching about the size of a football. hows that for easy mobility.
it's good for about four layers of linen at the most, forget about anything as thick as denim etc.
so far turned some old retro t-shirts into some kick ass throw pillows...that match with nothing...
Posted by: lolly at November 29, 2006 10:04 PM
delurking here also... i don't really know you (except from yaya... "Empress Fresh-as-a-Daisy"... I post every once in awhile but often lurk there too since it's so darn interesting!)
anyhow, i read your blog almost everyday since it cracks me up. your writing style is just great! anyhow, now i feel a little weird... lol
have fun with your sewing! i just started knitting and i'm liking it alot... although i only know the basic knitting stitch....
Posted by: majal at November 29, 2006 11:14 PM
Derlurking here too. Like Majal - I'm sometimes on yaya but we don't know each other. I read your blog everyday too all the way from Australia. You really are a great writer and have a wicked sense of humour. My sister (who also read your blog often) and I still lose it over that Teletubbies episode a while back. Thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: SMS at November 30, 2006 12:01 AM
"I checked to make sure the dogs hadn't stolen it to make sparkly, scanty costumes for their Vegas act. No sewing dogs."
Excellent.
Posted by: Moose at November 30, 2006 02:13 AM
Yes, I expected a flood of comments, too, but have been disappointed. Sure, I have had more than the usual zero-to-one each day, but I was hoping for a little more action.
Posted by: Melissa at November 30, 2006 08:56 AM
I too would like to lavish my praise on you. Love it when I come here and there is a post...this month has been great! Hope you find time to post next month even with all sewing.
Posted by: Michelle at November 30, 2006 10:04 AM
Here, it went from 80 yesterday to 32 right now with sleet coming down. Bleh. I don't mind cold, but I'd at least like a chance to maybe wear a long-sleeved shirt and then ease into a light sweater and *then* have it get cold. We went from shorts to parkas and I already have the Creeping Mongolian Death Crud and don't need to get sicker.
Posted by: liz at November 30, 2006 10:12 AM
I'd have give the UPS dude $50 if he'd written on the sticky note "Perched on toilet".
Posted by: Dixie at November 30, 2006 01:53 PM
"Under back porch" "Perched on toilet" Sounds about the same hahahaha.
A video camera with his reaction to the scary room and toilet would have been awesome.
Posted by: Tiffany at November 30, 2006 03:22 PM
And where is the picture of the new sewing machine perched atop the second-a$$ toilet??
Posted by: barbara at November 30, 2006 05:58 PM
Mmm...secondhand ass!
Posted by: Exena at November 30, 2006 08:33 PM
i'm also dropping my lurker hoodie and admitting my presence. the first thing you should sew are some of those door draft things - i've been meaning to make them for years.
Posted by: exposed at December 1, 2006 02:21 PM
"Mmm...secondhand ass!"
Holy smokes, that was hilarious!
Posted by: Dixie at December 1, 2006 03:59 PM
