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December 20, 2006
A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Clara Jane. She lived in a village called St. Louis, where the villagers ate their ravioli fried in boiling oil, the lights often went dark, and the baseball team was pretty good.
Actually, Clara Jane didn't live in St. Louis city proper, but in the outlying feudal land known as St. Louis County, a land of many municiaplities and rulers, and many, many speed traps. While she often drove past the beautiful buildings of downtown and marveled at the magical silver rainbow next to the deep, muddy waters, her mother was neglectful of taking the child into downtown, despite the promise she made to herself to not become one of those suburban mothers who never ventures east of I-170.
So, one cold and rainy day, Clara Jane's mother bundled them into their coats and set the coach in the direction of the St. Louis City Library's downtown branch to see the Once Upon a Time... fairytale exhibit, despite the fact that Clara Jane's mother has some serious problems with the gender issues presented in those classic tales, and would just as soon run one of those jousting stick thingies through her very core as encourage her daughter to be a princess.
While the other little girls dressed up as princesses and their mothers asked them, "Where are your princes? What are their names?", Clara Jane busied herself cleaning the Cinderella exhibit, while her mother vomited from princess overload in the cauldron.
Her mother's malady was miraculously healed when a little boy in a princess dress handed Clara Jane a broom and said, "Here. You can be the witch," and Clara Jane smiled and replied, "Great! Hey Mom! I'm a witch!"
The little witchy-poo finished her scullery chores and proceeded to her cobbler duties:
and then she joined Beauty and the Beast's dining table, where each child was required to leave a saliva sample on every single piece of plastic food:
Here's hoping that the little witch-girl can whip up a potion of cat hair and old candy bar wrappers to ward off the infestation of plastic fruit mites.
As the day wore on and Clara Jane grew more witchy, her mother wrestled her into her coat and coaxed her out the door, where an evil spell turned Clara Jane's legs to gooey red aspic, a spell only remedied by the threat of a royal time-out.
Once the spell was broken and the two stepped out of the building and onto the grand staircase overlooking the city, Clara Jane declared, "I love this city!"
And they all lived happily ever after. Well, except for when that aspic-leg spell took effect in the middle of the doorway at City Grocers, Mother's arms loaded with curried turkey salad and sesame broccoli, the spell only broken by the threat of the world's longest time-out ever if some little princess-poo didn't pick it up and move it on now.
It was only after everyone napped for three hours that they able to live happily ever after.
The end.
Posted by Robin at December 20, 2006 10:19 PM
Comments
I am grinning. Love the boy princess and the thrill to be a witch. We need more witches and fewer princesses in this world. Believe me, I know, I teach school. hahahah
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. We celebrate everything in my house. There are dreidels on my Christmas tree.
Posted by: Kathie at December 21, 2006 08:13 AM
Cobbler duties are good. Knowing a skill like that can keep you out of the unemployment lines.
"I love this city!". Don't you almost bust when she comes up with great stuff like that?
Posted by: Dixie at December 21, 2006 04:24 PM
I am cracking up! I wondered what the official name for that thing was called. I always called it, 'that thing my kid does when he drops to the ground, dead weight, at the most inconvenient times, like in the middle of a parking lot thing'
What you called it, is so much more...succint. I will use it from now on, with your permission! lol.
Posted by: ummagumma at December 21, 2006 09:00 PM
Kathie - so cool that you celebrate everything. Once Clara Jane gets a little older, I want to do that.
Dixie - I spend a lot of my time busting over my kid. Today she said, "I'm Chiggar! I'm a damn nuisance!"
Ummagumma - I think the official name is "Jello Legs", but I was being all fancy-pants in this post and went with aspic. Clara Jane's a big fan of pulling that routine in parking lots and while crossing the street. It's either Jello Legs, or she hunches over and pretends to be a gorilla.
Posted by: Robin at December 22, 2006 12:03 AM
