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I know that realizing how lucky I am tends to make me anxious, too. I feel like I'm waiting for something horrible to happen to rip it all away. That sucks.

I'm proud for having made it through some awful times (childhood, mom's death, depression) but now that everything's hunky dory I'm always looking over my shoulder to see if The Bad is coming up behind me. That sucks too.

But 2006 really sucked ass.

It's funny. I carry around a moleskine (insert use of trendy copyrighted product here) journal everywhere I go. I started it on Dec. 31 last year, so full of hope and optimism. And then 2006 just came and pummeled me.

I know I'll start a new book on Dec. 31 again, and I will be as hopeful with that one as I was with the last one. I just seriously, seriously want 2006 to go away.

I can totally relate to that, and I'm glad you blogged about it. As you know, I've struggled with my own anxiety/depression issues, and this year hit me freaking HARD. I'm on the upswing, but there are times when I still feel like a car whose wheels are spinning on ice and I can't find the traction I need to get going, you know? The other night I boodihoo'd on my son's bed after singing lullabies to him, because I didn't want the time with him to be over. Because every moment that passes, that's it, it's gone, and I can't get it back. But what would we do if we could freeze time? Now there's a post for the "future"...LOL.
Hugs Robin. You have a friend in me. (singing the Toy Story theme and waltzing)

I've been thinking about Wolfie lately, for reasons I was planning on blogging about. Rereading about Whiney made me cry all over again.

Yesterday at lunch with Lisa and Sarah, we were talking about Sarah's dad, his inoperable tumor and current round of chemotherapy. He's doing pretty well, but this latest tumor has left Sarah understandably scared. "I think he'll have another year" she said. "I hope." It was hard hearing her say that and thinking back on what happened with Becky this year. And I too often think of my own family and waves of fear will come. Anticipating...what?

Anyway, I'm sorry if this came out as a downer response. It wasn't my intention, but in a way, I know where you're coming from. And I love you and whatever happens to us, we can help each other out.

I got teary-eyed when I read the kitty story too... I love how you can put it into words -- Everything's great, I'm thankful, but I worry about what's going to happen that'll wreck it all. You're the best, we wish you the best for the Holidays!

I feel the same way - like.. identically. I was just having the same thoughts about my dog and my family. I don't want my parental units knowing I'm having morbid thoughts, but seriously - I don't deal. I'm still not over the death of my dog who died like - 15 years ago.

I'll protest with you.

I just realized you're the poppy mom. My dad is the poppy.

I'm getting out of here. Kidding! kind of - that kind of freaked me out on an already freaky day.

I've always meant to pop by and say hi.. because anyone with "poppy" in their name is.. perfectly poppy.

"and something occured to me: perhaps the anxiety that's with me constantly stems from the fact that my life is really, really good. I don't know how to accept that. I wonder if I deserve it. So I live in fear of it all being ripped away, and I spend vast amounts of time and energy looking for cracks in the foundation."

On my goodness - that is me to a T. I'd never thought about it in those terms before. Thank-you, Poppy.

Thank you for talking about your panic attacks. Sometimes it helps to know you're not alone. Hope the meds help. My mom has taken that one for years now.

Cassie