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January 16, 2007

The Librarians are Out to Get Me

I'm inadvertantly following a theme with my posts this week: why the hell can't women just be nice to one another?

That said, I think the librarians at the local branch of my library hate my guts.

We've been going to this branch for nearly two years, and the librarians have always been nice to B. and me while they fawn over Clara Jane. Our neighborhood isn't exactly the most progressive in the St. Louis area, and I understand that B. and Clara Jane are one of the few father-daughter combos they see on a regular basis. That's reason for fawning, and I'm cool with that. I'm a bit of a red-headed stepchild. No bother. Just give me my books, I'll give you the ones I've completed. We'll exchange pleasantries and we'll be just fine.

A few months ago, B. went through a spell of checking out piles upon piles of books that didn't reflect well on me. He was looking for books to help him improve his husbandly communication skills, or so he says, which is what led him to check out books like the entire Divorce Busting series and How to Change Your Spouse and Save Your Marriage. I think I saw him reading a copy of "My Wife's a Total Bitch and I Need to Get Her Off My Goddamn Back NOW", concealed behind an issue of Popular Science during this spell.

I didn't make a big deal about this, despite the fact that I wasn't thrilled to see a book on how to change me floating around the house. It crossed my mind that since all the librarians know us, they're getting a a big pile of fodder regarding our personal life based on the books B. was reading. I gave the librarians credit for being professional and not judging us based on the materials we check out.

Oh, but how things have changed since B. went through his little communication self-help spell! Suddenly, librarians who used to talk to me ignore me, even when I say hello to them. They glare, but they don't speak. They speak to Clara Jane, but not to me.

Today, I went to the library by myself to drop off a book for B. - about dragons, not about divorcing my sorry ass - and pick up some reserved books for both of us. One of the librarians who used to be nice to me came to the counter, glared at me and barked, "Next?"

"Hi. B. and I both have some books to pick up," I said with as much chipperness as I could muster. That took some effort, because I'm currently in the midst of supposed-to-be-period week, which means I'm anxious and panicky, which means I didn't sleep much last night, which means B. stayed home with Clara Jane so I could go to the library, get my two books, and spend the afternoon reading them in the peace at the damn library and maybe calm the hell down instead of sitting on the couch, crying for no good reason all damn day.

"Are B. and Clara Jane with you?" she asked with 100% pure, deep-from-her-heart chipperness.

"No, I'm afraid not. She's got a bit of a bug and ..."

"Oh." Her chipperness was suddenly as gone as mine.

She went to the reserve stacks, slammed my books down on the counter, checked them out. "You have fines" was all she said before returning to the stacks, getting B.'s books, slamming them down on the counter, checking them out, and shoving them to me. She didn't even bother to tuck our check-out reciepts into the book, instead leaving them to flutter to the floor when she shoved the books.

Regardless, I thanked her. Not that it mattered, because she'd already stormed off.

I'm ashamed that I cried when I got to my car. I really don't care if people like me or not but shit. Would it kill people to be civil? I almost went back in while crying to say, "Do you have any idea how your shitty atttiude might affect people?" I didn't, though, because I've found that doing such things doesn't instill the guilt it should. It just makes people think you're nuts.

Like I said, I'm delicate today and probably blowing things way out of proportion. But if it wasn't for the fact that, over the past two months, every single librarian I've encountered has suddenly started treating me like I'm persona non grata, I wouldn't have been nearly as thrown by today's rudeness.

So, what to do next? I could call the management and complain. Or I could frequent another branch, as there are several near me. Just disappear and be done with it.

I could include a letter with the next books I return, explaining the shoddy treatment. Or I could grow some balls and present the letter directly to management.

I hear that librarians aren't fond of patrons vomiting mass quantities of candy corn in front of the circulation desk. I could probably arrange to do that and ruin a few peoples' shifts.

More likely, I'll keep frequenting this branch without a word, instead exacting my revenge via my checkouts. Here's a list of books I'm going to add to my reserve list tonight:

With apologies to all my librarian friends. I know you'd never act in such a manner. I also know I can count on you to give me more ideas for my reading list.

With some apologies to B., even though this is really all his fault.

Posted by Robin at January 16, 2007 04:16 PM

Comments

I bet if you had started crying right there that she would have wanted to sink into the floor. And it might have had an affect - or am I being naive?

Here's some for you:
* My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing from the Perspective of a Wife
* My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
* Men Who Can't be Faithful: Build a Better, More Intimate Relationship-Based on New Trust
* The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

And I think B needs to fix it by checking these out:
* Oops! I Forgot My Wife: A Story of Commitment as Marriage and Self-Centeredness Collide
* Your Wife is Not Your Momma: How You Can Have Heaven in Your Home (Your Wife Is Not Your Momma)

Posted by: Jhianna at January 16, 2007 06:06 PM

Your shoddy treatment reflects badly on us and I don't appreciate them treating you like that.

Suggestions:

*On The Up And Up: A Survival Guide for Women Living with Men on the Down Low
*The Sex Starved Marriage
*Repairing Your Marriage After His Affair

Posted by: Katya at January 16, 2007 06:54 PM

Other titles:

o At Least When My Last Boyfriend Beat Me, I Knew He Cared
o Women Who Love Men Who Love Dressing in Animal Costumes
o Loving Him Through Erectile Dysfunction


Sorry B. I know none of that is true--I'm just trying to help my virtual frien here.

Posted by: m at January 16, 2007 07:42 PM

I agree with Katya - that is such bullshit!

As for books, good suggestions from all. Yours had me howling! Do it do it do it!

Maybe throw in the Anarchist Cookbook for good measure? And "Get Even: The Complete Book of Dirty Tricks." Add a fountain of candy corn vomit (ugh...I can still visualize that like it was yesterday) and I think you'll be set (and my hero!).

Posted by: Exena at January 16, 2007 08:03 PM

I agree with Jhianna about the crying... I'm sure that would make "The World's Most Un-Professional Staff Member" feel about an inch tall. It doesn't matter what kind of mood you were in when you walked in there -- the person at the desk has no right to act nasty to you. I think an angry letter to the management is a good idea.

If you're ever in Oklahoma, stop by -- my little hometown library is on the small side, but our librarian is such a sweetheart; she's been there since I was in highschool and she's watched me check out (and run late) with all sorts of books for every unrelated college course or outlandish personal interest.

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience. There shouldn't be any judgement in libraries, if dirty bookstore employees can be friendly, it should be easy for the folks at the library. ;)

Posted by: Debbie at January 16, 2007 09:32 PM

God Robin, you're even funny when you're miserable.

Posted by: JO at January 16, 2007 10:24 PM

That's plain unprofessional, the way you're being treated. Besides being unkind. It certainly makes the rest of us librarians look bad.

You could say you're looking for a book but don't know the exact title, perhaps they could help you? The book is something along the lines of why people can be complete asses for no good reason. When they come up with something, check it out, take it home, and when you return it, say you recommend they read it. I'd probably never have the balls to do that, but the librarians at my public library are very sweet (even delivered books to my house when I was on maternity leave).

I think approaching management is the best solution, unless you don't mind switching branches. Public service is part of the position and surliness is always unwelcome.

Posted by: Heather at January 17, 2007 07:27 AM

I once checked out a book called "Eat Me", mainly because it was pretty and caught my eye. It was hot pink and green! It had a mango or some other fruit on the front!
I did not realize it was a SOFT-CORE porn book, set in Australia. I should have paid attention to the librarian's face when checking out, but noooo.
It was returned via the book drop.
I'll be reading Anthony Bourdain at jury duty today.....mmmmm...Anthony...
I would ask the librarian why she's so "unhappy" or "not the same lately", instead of confronting her rudeness. It's a good ploy. Works with 7th graders.

Posted by: allison at January 17, 2007 08:21 AM

How about this--if she's rude to you again, ask her to point you toward the section of the library that might contain a book titled, "How I Almost Fucking Killed My Rude-Assed Librarian". Then give her your fantastic smile.

Posted by: Angie at January 17, 2007 12:35 PM

God, I've missed you!

Posted by: Marybeth at January 17, 2007 01:22 PM

This is exactly the sort of situation that gives me comfort in the idea that whatever you send out into the universe, be it thought or deed, will return to its creator. If she's being a bitch to you for no reason, that no-reason-bitchiness will return to the one who created it.

And that's why when people are so fucking contrary like that I try to be a cloyingly sweet as possible because I want the nice back and not the shitty. Sometimes it actually pierces their cold, iron-clad hearts and they feel bad for being such dicks.

Posted by: Dixie at January 17, 2007 05:57 PM

How about 101 Grrrreat Nights of Sex by Laura Corn? Maybe Emergency Sex: And Other Desperate Measures by Kenneth Cain or the Pop Up Book of Sex? I may just have to order the pop up book. That could be a great gift! Ha, ha.

Posted by: Irie at January 17, 2007 11:40 PM

Gosh, there's a lot of librarians reading here. (I am one too, though not currently working in the field.) Makes me sad and angry that you get such treatment. Librarians are supposed to be like cashiers at the grocery store -- nonjudgmental about the items that you are checking out.

I'm with Angie -- you need to ask for a book along the lines of "What Should I Do When My Librarians Have An Attitude For No Apparent Reason?"

Posted by: Nancy at January 25, 2007 08:11 AM