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While I'm no prude and this wasn't my first party of this nature, let's just say I haven't been in a very spicy frame of mind of late. I made a point to dress all in black (not that this is unusual for me) with no makeup (again, not unusual), my hair in a ratty ponytail (again, de riguer). In other words, I pretty much went as myself, only I listened to The Smiths in the car on the way there, just to really put myself in an unsexxxy mood.

The sex toy party was for a good cause. It was hosted by a friend who recently had a roommate "borrow" her vibrator. Which is just a polite way of saying that her roommate "stole" her vibrator because really, that's not an item you borrow because I'm pretty sure the unwitting lender is never, ever going to want it back again.

I spent the evening with Tempe doing two things: 1) belching and blowing the fumes in my face (Sexxxy!), and 2) jabbing me with things that vibrate.

You know you're having a good time when you find yourself saying, "Tempe, would you please stop poking me with your big orange vibrating butt plug?"

How did I go from snuggling a warm, sleeping child to being poked in the hip with an item that resembles a trembling traffic cone? The only similarities between the two main activities of my day was the belching, as the baby did her share of that, too.

Angela cried. I don't blame her one bit. It was fun crying, though.

As for Beatrice the iPod, I allowed her to be violated at the party. I didn't think she'd mind, considering the amount of Peaches she's been playing lately. But last night, we hooked her up to the (not work-safe link!) iBuzz. My poor little iPod's innocence is gone. Not that we did anything but pass her (and Peaches) around. By the time I got home, she was too ashamed to shuffle. Besides, she probably just would have played "Diddle My Skittle" ten times in a row at that point.

And to completely change gears again, this morning we got up and went to Sesame Street Live. Like last year, I sobbed like a baffoon. Fucking Big Bird, making me bawl.

Clara Jane loved the first half of the show, but I think that was mainly because we allowed her to have a vat of popcorn the size of her bed, which we removed during intermission. We wound up leaving before the end of the show, with her pummelling my leg because I was not exiting fast enough for her liking.

"We're getting away from Sesame Street!" she yelled when we crossed the street to the train station. She was much more interested in the freaky bunny statue outside the arena, which we can view for free, instead of the show we spent nearly $75 to not see.

I could have bought an iBuzz for what we spent on those damn tickets.

This afternoon I ran away from home for a few hours and learned to knit socks in honor of my pal Dixie's birthday:

They're blurry. Just like my future tattoo and that orange vibrating butt plug. And Cookie Monster, when viewed through tears. Even though Beatrice is still a little blurry, what with being vibrated to death last night, she's ready for a late, long shuffle*:

1. Hand in Glove - The Smiths
2. This Charming Man - The Smiths
3. What Difference Does it Make - The Smiths
4. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths
5. William, It Was Really Nothing - The Smiths
6. How Soon is Now? - The Smiths
7. Shakespeare's Sister - The Smiths
8. That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore - The Smiths
9. The Boy With the Thorn in His Side - The Smiths
10. Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths
11. Panic - The Smiths
12. Ask - The Smiths
13. Shoplifters of the World Unite - The Smiths
14. Sheila Take a Bow - The Smiths
15. Girlfriend in a Coma (Probably from a giant orange vibrating butt plug) - The Smiths
16. I Started Something I Couldn't Finish - The Smiths
17. Last Night I Dreamt that Sombody Loved Me - The Smiths
18. There is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
19. Fuck the Pain Away - Peaches

*This is the only time I've ever fabricated a shuffle. I figured since it's Saturday, the Friday Shuffle rules - setting the iPod to shuffle and posting the first ten songs that play - don't apply.