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Old Classic bungalow in noisy neighborhood riddled with dune buggy-building drunken idiots active, interesting neighborhood! This house is full of endless headaches caused by the previous owners' lack of home repair and decorating skills character, including never-ending drafts loads of windows, floors covered with random nails and staples in perfect alignment, installed during an OCD emergency rustic hardwood floors, neighbor dogs birthing puppies under the back steps friendly neighbors, a sunroom which is actually more of a rainroom, thanks to the leaky ceiling, lots of shade until the 100+ year-old oak in the front yard decides to fall the fuck over, like all the other trees have done in the past few months, and a lovely backyard that completely lacks grass, but has a six-inch deep ditch around its perimeter from where our dogs run. We call it the Doggie Groove, and it's banked like Daytona International Speedway. Gardening shed along with half a tree that's been on its roof for six weeks and extra storage room which is really spooky and houses a toilet that our UPS man likes to use as a package perch.

New appliances include a GE Profile gas range and oven (1999) which replaced the 1960 rust-brown one-burner monstrosity that leaked not only gas, but radiation from one of the first microwave ovens ever made, gas water heater (1999) which replaced the one that was so old the entire bottom rusted out, and energy-efficient gas furnace (2000) which replaced the inefficient furnace that had a giant hole in its heat exchanger, which happens to be a very important part of the furnace to remain hole-free.

House is clean and move-in ready. You won't experience the horror of washing a 1970s amber-colored frosted window, only to discover that it's really a clear window with 30 years of accumulated fried-food residue and old cigarette smoke on it. You also won't vaccum enough blue fuzz out of the back bedroom to make a replica of the 93-year-old man who inhabited the room.

Potential buyers whose last name begins with the letter B will be given preference, as the previous owners installed a letter B in bright red carpet within the turd-brown shag on the basement stairs. We got a bargain on this place because, after a year in the market, we were the only clueless neophyte idiots people with a B-name who made an offer.
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You know, I've made some bad job choices in my time. Tonight, I can honestly say that the best job decision I've ever made was the choice to remain out of the real estate field.