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March 23, 2007

Friday Shuffle - The I Like People Edition

I tend to have misanthropic tendancies, but not today, Busters. No sir. For some reason, and I really have no idea why, today I am completely ate up with love of my fellow human beings.

I think I might have accidentally taken two Prozacs today.

The day didn't start out as such. In fact, I started by day by really, really disliking people. Specifically, I wasn't crazy about my own body, which required early-morning fasting bloodwork, which might be the cruelest medical act committed on healthy people.

You mean you want me to get up, shower, brush my teeth, dress, and come in to a lab so you can drain me of my blood, all without the benefit of coffee? Fuck you. Fuck you hard.

So I hauled my sorry, caffeineless carcass to LabCorp, which sounds like the kind of place that might possibly have a kidney-harvesting business operating from the back door. They were just about as friendly, too.

You know what I love? I love having a strange woman who has only glared at me in the 15 minutes of our acquaintance demand urine from me. I'll fully admit I've got a bad case of bashful bladder. Bullying doesn't make it any better.

No coffee + pee pop quiz + not nice nurse = no pee. I thought the staff might possible flog me until I provided the specimen they desired.

I was able to produce the three vials of blood Vampira and Nosferatta required, praying the whole time that I wouldn't pass out cold like I did last time I had to produce three vials of blood. Granted, I was pregnant then, and it was in the days when my doctor would allow bloodlettings in her office instead of shipping patients off to The Lair of the Dark Lord.

When I came to, I found I'd been carried to a comfy exam room to sleep it off. This time, I feared that if I lost consciousness, I'd wake up in a naked heap in the parking lot. And it was raining. And it's across the street from the library where we go to storytime, so of course I'd never be able to take Clara Jane to storytime again after having all my blood drained and being naked in the rain.

You know what I enjoy? Making the angry phone call to corporate headquarters while sitting in the comfort of my vehicle outside the offending business. That's one of the great advances mobile communication has afforded our society - the ability to chew some ass without getting punched in the face. The people at corporate were nice, especially since I wasn't being particularly articulate due to lack of blood, caffiene, food, and lingering pee fright. I think I said, "Nurses ... meeeeeeeeeean! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

Just look what they did to me!
Mean nurses did this to me.
Okay, that's really not too bad, especially by my standards. I'm a tough stick.

Regardless of my injuries, I really like people today. Here's why:

  • That cute guy at Trader Joe's yesterday, who helped me pick out lots of wine. I think he might have been trying to look down my shirt, but he certainly knows his California Zinfandels.
  • My old pal Robert, who used to comment profusely on my blog. He's been MIA for awhile, and I got a delightful surprise phone call from him this afternoon. It's really cool when someone you like and respect tells you that you're missed and thought about daily.
  • Rolling Stone columnist Rob Sheffield makes me happy, even when he makes me so sad that my bones unhinge from my muscles, so strong is the pain. When I get my new issue of RS, the first thing I read is his column, which never fails to crack me up. But now, he's published a memoir, Love is a Mix Tape. I finished it last night and, oh boy. It's sad. Sad, but so hopeful, smart, loving, and honest. I just want to give Rob a big hug, despite the fact that I was a bit spooked by the similaries between myself and his deceased wife, Renee Crist. Don't worry - I didn't just spoil the book for you; he tells you in the first pages of Crist's unexpected death in 1997. But yes, Sheffield's book makes me want to make mixes for everyone I love, which I've sort of been doing lately, anyway.
  • I love that there are people who, when they saw the ugly fish vase we selected for our wedding gift registry, actually purchased it for us, thus making us the owners of The Ugliest Portugese Fish Vase, Ever: I love ugly fish I washed the fish vase today in preparation to pack it for display at the new house. Someday. IfWhen our crapshack charming bungalow in the town with the ticket-writing manic diligent police force finally sells.
  • There will be a gathering of women at my house tomorrow night. Perhaps it will be like that book I mentioned awhile back, we'll be moved by our collective femininity to walk! Just get up and walk and change the world! Or maybe we'll just sit on our asses, drink wine, and eat fast food fries out of a 13-gallon garbage bag. Personally, I'm hoping for the latter option.
  • The existance of Tyler Florence makes me terribly blissful. The fact that he finally has a webpage, and the start-up music is "Steady As She Goes" by the Raconteurs? Makes me love every single human being in the world, just like his recipe for curried chickpeas and cauliflower makes me a better human being.
  • I'm going to go buy lots of cool crafy stuff at Chilicraft tomorrow. I might cause a shuffle at the craft show by hugging everyone. I might also show up in nothing but my underwear.

1. Don't Waste your Heart - Dixie Chicks
2. You're Stronger Than Me - Patsy Cline
3. Orange Crush - REM
4. Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations
5. Shoplifters of the World Unite - The Smiths
6. Get Him Back - Fiona Apple
7. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Johnny Cash
8. Bad Reputation - Freedy Johnston
9. Unemployable - Pearl Jam
10. Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes - George Jones

Posted by Robin at March 23, 2007 05:37 PM

Comments

Oh that's freaky!! Built Me Up, Buttercup has been in my head the whole live. long. day! Sang it the whole time I was peeling asparagus.

Have good girlfriend time tomorrow night. Eat some fries for me.

Posted by: Dixie at March 23, 2007 07:14 PM

I can guarantee my 7th grade boys will be more than delighted to help carry your bags/child/purse/self if you show up in your underwear.

Posted by: allison at March 23, 2007 09:22 PM

You've got some Smiths on your shuffle! See, that's a sign that Morrissey wants you to throw him knit underthings at his St. Louis show! :)

Glad you enjoyed Love Is A Mix Tape as much as I did, though there was no doubt in my mind that we wouldn't like it (thanks for telling me about it several months ago!). I'm still waiting to hunt down Rob and give him a bear hug myself.

Were your ears burning last night? At dinner with Drew, Lisa, and Paul, there was discussion of how much Paul and I dig Alton Brown, followed by how much Paul hates Rachel Ray, how scared Drew is by Giada's big head, and how Lisa and I want to hang out with Paula Deen. This lead into me telling everyone your fascination with Tyler "Sweaty Boy" Florence.

Mmm...Schweaty Balls!

Posted by: Exena at March 24, 2007 10:06 AM

i know i almost never comment - but you are just one of my favorite bloggers. i always feel like i must have met you in the real world at some point.

and you gave me a decent idea for a wedding gift for my week from now husband. =)

Posted by: exposed at March 25, 2007 12:08 AM

Mmmm, what is chilicraft? I can't go to myspace from work and I'm an instant gratification kind of girl! I was back in South Carolina this weekend and I too spent Saturday night with all my girlfriends. We were bonding over wine and food.

Posted by: Amy in StL at March 26, 2007 10:54 AM