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March 11, 2007

What Happens When I Have a Day to Myself

Something weird happens when one becomes a parent. Well, I guess I can't speak for all parents, but I know this is the case with me, and I know other parents have expressed this to me. Once you have kids, if you get the opportunity to, say, go grocery shopping without the whole famn damily in tow, it's a motherfucking party.

At one point on Saturday I had to make the announcement I really don't like to make. It goes something like, "That's it. I've had just about enough of you people." It occured in the Office Max parking lot, and I won't go into the details other than to say I was tired, my blood sugar was down around my ankles, and honestly? I'd had just about enough of those people who live in my house and insist on being in my truck with me when I go places on the weekends.

This morning didn't start out much better. I hate daylight savings times, plus I didn't sleep very well last night. As I staggered to my desk to test my blood sugar (which I have to do before I even have coffee, which is just mean and cruel. I feel like I'm bleeding for my coffee.), my cell phone started singing it's usual "If your happy and you know it turn the volume up and blow it out."

I know this: I wasn't happy. I was tired. I didn't want to talk on the phone or make myself bleed. I wanted, in this order, another two hours of sleep followed by a cup of coffee without bloodletting.

My mom's computer is dying. I surrendered the phone to B., who handed me my milky, Splenda-y coffee. I cried because I couldn't drink it yet.

Once everything calmed down B. said, "We still need groceries and stuff from Target, right?"

"Yep." We didn't make it there yesterday, what with me having had just about enough of those people.

"Would you like to run those errands alone today while I stay home with Clara Jane?"

Wooooo-hoooooooooo! Motherfucking partytime!

I went to Target and actually had time to try on clothes. I have this to say to Target:

Dear Target:

Thank you for finally, after all these years, realizing that not all fat women are 60-year-old school marms. Many of us are young(ish) and cute(ish) and would appreciate the trendy, low-priced options you provide for our skinny sisters. Trying on this fabulous dress made me feel like a woman. A w-o-m-a-n. I'll say it again. I'm a woman. Who really wishes she'd bought that dress. I'll come back for it, I promise. In the meantime I'm going to wear the hell out of the two darling shirts I purchased.

Thank you for finally not making me feel like I deserves styles that differ from those worn by my great-great Aunt Mamie.

Your boobylicious, bootylicious, bellylicious pal for life, Robin.

Just having time to go through Target without answering a barrage of questions ... to try on clothes, dig through the clearance to score formerly $9 lipstick for $2, and to walk past the Easter crap without being instructed to act like a bunny? Bliss. Bliss I took for granted pre-child.

I drank wine at Trader Joe's. Hallelujah! I also went to Hartford and got beans and a latte to go without having to drag someone out of the play area.

Best of all, I was able to stop at Knitorious to pick up some needles and fondle things.

Remember a few weeks ago (a month ago today, actually) when I went to Knitorious and accosted the wrong employee named Rachel? There was an employee named Rachel. I got excited, thinking it was this Rachel. It wasn't. But the other Rachel was a sweet gal, so everything was fine.

Today, I accosted the appropriate Rachel. She responded with squeals and hugs. Remember: I love attention. Squeals and hugs and declarations of love upon meeting me? Totally appropriate and appreciated.

Turns out Rachel's responsible for the fantastic hand-dyed and hand-painted yarns I'd been humping shortly before introducing myself. Not only did I leave with her gorgeous Knitorious colorway (the great red/pink/white), but Rachel was generous enough to give me two hanks of that gorgeous purple and brown you see on the left. Purple's my favorite color, and I love just about anything with chocolate brown these days. Big girl kneesocks for me!

The Rachel meeting, of course, was the highlight of my day. The fact that I got to have an adult conversation with her without toddler interruption? More bliss.

But do you know what's really blissful? When your iPod knows you're feeling good and it cooperates. I was cutting through one of the more exclusive, monied neighborhoods to avoid a bunch of nasty road construction. With my windows rolled down, this is what shuffled up:

  • I Don't Like Mondays - Boomtown Rats
  • Passenger Side - Wilco
  • Jose Cuervo - Shelly West
  • Room 13 - Black Flag
  • I Fought the Law - The Clash
  • What a Man - Lydia Lyndell
  • Respectable - Rolling Stones
  • Atlantic City - Hank Williams III

Was there car dancing? Oh, there was car dancing, alright, because it's a motherfucking mom party!

I've really got to get out more often.

Posted by Robin at March 11, 2007 10:02 PM

Comments

Isn't Jose Cuervo one of the most fun songs, ever? It always brings on a smile.

Posted by: Melissa at March 11, 2007 11:51 PM

I'm glad you had a fun day all to yourself - you deserve it!

Posted by: Exena at March 12, 2007 07:52 AM

DUDE! I got that same dress, but in black and white! That's what I was wearing (along with the lipstick you liked) in my new hair picture. And you don't even know how many times I have mentally sent the same love letter to la Tarj.

So awesome that we both got A.M.-era Wilco in our Friday shuffles. Granted, it's like it's not even by the same band that made YHF or AGiB, but shit, it's so fun, and I still have so much affection for that record. Except for that one song. God, that one song is really, really bad.

Also, dude, I am totally scheming some way to come up and engage in Tweedy stalkage with you. That is sooo rad. Mapquest says its only 414 miles! That's not so far.

Posted by: michelle/weaker vessel at March 12, 2007 08:39 AM

OOohhh, that dress is cuuuuuute! I guess I need to remember to look through the "real clothes" at Target; the only wearable item I have from there is the "Squirrles Gone Wild" T-shirt, and let's face it, that wouldn't be so wearable if I worked anyplace else. ;)

So glad to hear you had a nice time!!

Posted by: Debbie at March 12, 2007 09:45 AM

happy robin day!!!!

Posted by: kara joy at March 12, 2007 01:48 PM

Cute, cute dress. And that yarn looks good enough to eat.

That shuffle too.

Glad you had a good day!

Posted by: Dixie at March 12, 2007 04:06 PM

Uh, I don't know about that dress, dude. I, like most other fat ladies, only like to wear blue polyester pants with an elastic waistband and tent-shaped blouses covered with large floral prints. Luckily that's usually what Target and other stores have in stock. It's like they really know me!

Posted by: 41 at March 12, 2007 09:03 PM

Melissa, I love that song a lot more than I should. It's just fun to sing. And act it out.

Michelle, another one of my friends bought the pink circles dress. I can't stop thinking about it, so I think I need to go buy the damn thing already.

41, will you send me a pair of your sweaty blue polyester pants? They make me hot.

Posted by: Robin at March 13, 2007 08:32 PM