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April 16, 2007
A Very Perfect Day
That's what Clara Jane declared while I was pushing her on the swing. I didn't exactly agree with her, but when my kid thinks the day's perfect on a day like today, either I'm an excellent parent or an excellent liar.
It all started pretty good. Lovely weather. Renewed hopes of the house selling, despite last night's momentary neighbor-induced malaise. We went to the coffeehouse and spent lunchtime with Beqi, Heather and their kids. We had to leave a bit earlier than usual because the real estate agent's coming by, as is the kiddo who's going to help finish our yardwork. We had enough time left for a quick trip to the park, though. On the way, I gave B. a quick call, like I always do in the afternoon.
That when he dropped the bomb: the sellers of the house we love have opted to not renew our contingency contract. They're putting it back on the market. Sure, we can bid on it again, but we've just taken a huge step backwards.
Who the hell am I kidding? I'm not thinking "huge step backwards". I'm thinking "our house is gone".
Did I mention that, for the second time in a week, I forgot to take my Prozac before leaving the house? Not a good day to forget.
So while I pushed Clara Jane on the swings, I tried to not think about the house at all. Or how, even with the new real estate agent, I don't feel confident that we're going to sell anytime soon. How I have no faith in anyone in the housing industry right now. How I don't want to raise my kid in a neighborhood where the nearest park's brand-new playground equipment is already covered in graffiti, including messages inside the tunnels about who fucked whom in that tunnel, and when.
I put on my mama blinders, smiling and squealing with her, pretending everything's okay when it's not. When all I wanted to do was sit just inside the tunnel slide and have myself a good, self-pitying cry.
Then I came home and saw the news about Virginia Tech. Over 30 people. Dead.
It's about as far from a perfect day as it gets.
Clara Jane had a snack of toast with homemade peach jam and some milk. We read two stories and snuggled in the rocking chair until she fell asleep. Her day has continued to be perfect, innocent from all of this. I don't think she's innocent to the fact that this afternoon, her mother's hanging on by a rather thin thread. She snuggled longer than normal before her nap. Bargained less for more awake time. Smiled when I kept telling her over and over how much I love her.
She's napping. B. will be home in half an hour. The real estate agent is due here in 10 minutes, with our yard kid not long after. I'm not turning on the TV, because I can't handle it right now. I need to ground myself from the CNN and NPR websites. I need to pull my shit together, just for a few more hours, because 9 PM's not far away, when agents and yard boys will be gone, Clara Jane will be down for the night, and maybe I can finally do whatever the hell is necessary to undo a little of this unperfect day.
Posted by Robin at April 16, 2007 03:52 PM
Comments
Oh Robin. I'm sorry. Let B take care of the real estate agent and the yard kid and come knit with us tonight.
Posted by: Rachel at April 16, 2007 05:24 PM
You know how misery loves company, right?
This day is as far from perfect as I could imagine.
The other teachers on my team and I got the news this morning that the 3-month old brother of one of our students died last Thursday, presumably from SIDS.
Then I came home and read about the shootings. Of course, my students are currently in the middle of a college research project. It wouldn't suprise me if they changed their minds about life after high school
WTF?!
Why couldn't it be rainy and cold and miserable TODAY instead of beautiful and happy and blue sky-y?
This feel like one of those days when my brother was stationed in Iraq and I had to wear a smile all day long and not watch the news at all.
I know it sucks right now, but you'll sell your house, you'll buy your Prettytown house, and the neighborhood kid will have money to spend on more spray paint for the playground. :)
Posted by: allison at April 16, 2007 05:28 PM
I graduated from Virginia Tech. Blacksburg was more home to me than where I grew up.
Posted by: Jane at April 16, 2007 06:04 PM
I didn't read this earlier b/c I've been hopping between the news channels on tv and internet and various VT sites.
Posted by: Jane at April 16, 2007 06:05 PM
I'd give you a big hug right now if could. Not just one, but many.
Posted by: Exena at April 16, 2007 06:54 PM
want a 2.5 story 4.5bdrm 1bth in tower grove? how about a ranch 3bdrm 2bth in oakville?
we have two to sell and neither is even on the market yet...and your continuing saga has not made me feel more relaxed and reassured about the process.
good luck w/ the new guy
Posted by: exposed at April 16, 2007 09:16 PM
Hang onto that thread... when everything seems hopeless and you feel like things have gone to shit, they can only get better.
You're a strong woman (which is why I've been drawn to your writing) and you will come out on top. Remember that...
Posted by: Lynette Cook at April 16, 2007 10:02 PM
Yeah, our sellers dropped the contingency too, we still got the house. I don't know how, it just worked out.
Keep packing if you have the notion. You're going to move. You might not know when or to where, but you are moving.
Posted by: pkb at April 17, 2007 06:52 AM
Sending some of those magic vibes your way. Everything in the world will rotate in your direction.
Cassie
Posted by: Cassie at April 17, 2007 01:58 PM
Listen to Lisa. You're gonna move. And it's going to be to the place that's just right for you and B and Clara Jane.
When the bottom is dropping out, hold tight to what you love. It'll keep you lifted up.
Posted by: Dixie at April 17, 2007 04:09 PM
I will be blogging light if at all this week. SO sad, so awful. It has rendered me mute. I am with you and I think of me adding some rope to your thread.
xoxo
Posted by: jenB at April 18, 2007 01:03 AM
