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1. B.'s birthday gift to you this year is a hot night with one of these guys: Jeff Tweedy, Jack White, Tyler "Sweaty Boy" Florence, or Anthony Bourdain. No strings, no guilt, just...fun. Whom do you pick and why?

B.'s the most awesome guy in the world, if he did that. Honestly, I'm not really into Jeff and Jack in "that" way. As much as I dig musicians, I'm not really that attracted to them. I'd much rather hang out with them and talk. Besides, as much as I love Jeff and Jack, I think they'd be too whiny and self-involved.

So that brings us to the chefs, which makes this a hard one because chefs are totally hot. While Anthony's so damn hot, he's a little too arrogant (which is funny because that's what I like about him). He could very well be the type who takes care of himself and that's that. So it's definitely Tyler. He's got bonus points for having written this not-safe-for-work article. His answer to question #4 pretty much seals the deal. Yep, Sweaty Boy it is.

Boy, that took my mind off real estate.

2. It's the last day on Earth. What do you eat and drink for dinner?

I think I'd start the day with all the super-rare, expensive delicacies: black truffles, 100-year-old balsamic vinegar, caviar, sweetbreads, and such. And really, really fabulous wine, of course. But I'd want to close the day with all my favorite comfort foods: my granny's noodles, your Aunt Louise's marinara, watermelon, chicken tikka masala made by my Indian former boss, my ma's fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy, veggie pizza from Shakespeare's, those little dim sum sweet red bean dumplings and a giant All Shook Up concrete from Ted Drewes, about a pound of Maytag blue cheese. Washed down with sweet tea.

3. Since I am unoriginal but interested, what's your best concert experience?

So many. The November, 2001 U2 show was a fantastic experience, what with the camping out. Also, during "Sunday Bloody Sunday", I think I came to terms with 9/11 and it was such a powerful moment. U2 in Vegas was amazing, too. Wilco at the Pageant in March, 2006, was fun and moving and reassuring when I needed some reassurance in a big way. And those pregnant White Stripes shows were so much fun and so surreal.

4. We're going back to Memphis (seriously, we need to!). What would we do this time?

We're going to the goddamn Memphis Rock and Soul Museum, because this time we won't have a traveling companion who bitches about the price of admission, only to spend twice that amount at Hot fucking Topic two hours later! Aside from that, I think we need to go off the beaten path this time. Go to Sunday services at Full Gospel Tabernacle and have lunch afterwards at Four-Way Grill. This, of course, after a night of hitting clubs and bars off the tourist path. Gotta end the trip with banana pudding on the banks of the Mississippi, though. That's a must. And this time, we will be staying at the Peabody.

5. If you could live in a novel, which one would it be?
One that has absolutely no drama at all whatsoever. And one with stable housing.