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June 21, 2007
Bourgeoning Young Criminals Galore!
No, our new neighborhood hasn't gone the way of our old one. Everyone's still delightful. We've lived here for a week and I haven't once had the urge to call the cops. It's been nearly a decade since I've gone a week without wanting the cops. Progress!
Unfortunately, I'm starting to fear that we're the equivalent of the dune-buggying, dirt-biking, face-tattooing, verbally-abusing, Brandy-screwing folks we left in our old neighborhood. Two examples:
1. Remember the situation with our garage door being shut, possibly permanently trapping a great deal of our worldly belongings, including all but one pair of my shoes? Well, let's just say it's been fixed. Let's just say it's been fixed by a member of this family who went to a website - possibly www.burgeoning_young_criminals.org - and learned how to pick a lock with a Steelcase desk key, which he did right beside our Neighborhood Watch sign. And me without my camera.
2. Clara Jane set off a cherry bomb in a public toilet. At least, that's what I'm going to tell people, because it's less embarrassing than saying, "Yeah, my three-year-old is such a gold-medal-level shitter* that she demolished the toilet at a local yarn shop."
I'm just glad I made a sizable purchase before the kid went all shitorious.
(*Thanks to Rachel for the terminology. She's the one who had to deal with my kid's intestinal fallout, so for God's sake go buy a bunch of yarn from her. The gal deserves it for what she tolerates from me and my child.)
Posted by Robin at June 21, 2007 08:10 PM
Comments
Ohh, I'm soo glad you're back. We live in the city and as the property around us is redeveloped the new people are not city people and I don't think we're desirable. Fuck em. Someone around here has called the police several times on our neighbors because his dog barked after 7:30 pm. My immediate neighbors, who we share a driveway with, are way cool so that's nice. I think your neighbors are going to enjoy you and your family.
Posted by: JO at June 21, 2007 09:46 PM
Between the "toilet reiki" in your email and "shitorious" in your post, I have both spit food out of my mouth and choked on my drink because I was laughing so hard. I forgot you were there for the toilet reiki. :)
Posted by: Rachel at June 21, 2007 11:10 PM
OMG, you come in here half asleep, and end up wide awake laughing your butt off. Sorry for CJ getting sick in the bathroom, but to hear you tell the story just dignifies it completely.
Posted by: Cassie at June 22, 2007 09:30 AM
It's time to change your blog header/title thingie! Let us speak no more of the Crapshack!
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Posted by: Hilda at June 22, 2007 01:31 PM
"Intestinal Fallout" is a phrase I'll certainly be sharing... I come from a family of gold-medal-level-shitters, and one-by-one, I'm turning them all into poppymom.com readers!
Posted by: Debbie at June 22, 2007 01:46 PM
"Shitorious" I'm changing my Ravelry profile to reflect that shitorious is now my favorite swear word. Absolutely up there with shit mittens.
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