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June 03, 2007
What Lurks in the Basement
After weeks and months of packing, I've finally hit the point where there's nothing left to do except venture into what we call The Mudroom. It's this little, unheated room in the back of our basement which has never contained any mud, but has always contained a lot of crap. This is the room where, for eight years, we've tossed every single item for which we didn't have a better solution.
In June, 1999, once we were settled into our then-new abode, my parents arrived for a weekend visit. Dad backed his truck up to the walk-out basement door while my mom did a little dance in the driveway, singing, "Take your shit! Get it out of my house! It's yours! It's yours! Hallelujah, it's finally yours!"
Since that day in June, 1999, those boxes and big black garbage bags, filled with the first 18 years of my life, have sat, untouched. Well, not completely untouched. I'm sure they've been touched by many spiders. But not touched by me.
I grew up with a real sentimental streak. I never threw anything away. I've since outgrown such sentimentality, thus I have never had any desire to deal with all this crap.
Don't think that I haven't thought about just hauling all that shit to the curb on trash day. I can't, though. Some of the sentimentality remains, primarily because of my writing. I've written for as long as I can remember, and I was always careful to save every single word that came from my pen.
Tonight, I reached the point where I had no choice but to deal with The Mudroom. Within the first box, I found some of my early writings, those things that prevented me from shoving boxes upon boxes of 1980s garbage out the door without a second glance.
I was a very talented child. A gifted writer, I was told. I won awards. When I tucked all those pages away, the thought lurked that surely someday, when I was a famous writer, there would be a need and demand for those brilliant first works.
Tonight, I read two poems. I was astounded. Flabbergasted. And so thoroughly disgusted and mortified that I did what I should have done 25 years ago: I pitched that shit directly into the trash.
I'm not feeling bad about this. Not even a little. If anything, going through my old shit gave me some insight into why I let go of my sentimentality: it's the same reason why, if you have an amazing vacation to, say, Provence, it's not necessarily worthwhile to remember every single detail of what you packed, the drive to the airport, what you got at Starbucks while you waited for the plane, what delayed the plane, what magazine you read, what you drank ...
I'm sure you get what I'm saying. I'm looking at that stuff from so long ago as a part of the journey. I'd rather remember how writing made me feel, how and what I learned from it, and how it affects my life now. Letting go of the material remainder, along with the vomit-inducingly horrible 1984 poetry - sweet Jesus, what the hell did I know about bitter break-ups when I was 12 that would motivate me to compose poetry about them? - felt really, really good.
But some things in The Mudroom, I can't release. At least, not to Goodwill or the trash. Some things just beg to be sent to Kristina. And believe me, there was a great deal of screaming in The Mudroom when this was unburied:
Also, if you read my blog and you knew me at any point in the '80s or early '90s, this would not be a good time to piss me off because I can promise you, tonight I found a treasure trove of lovely blackmail photos. Oh, my kingdom for a scanner!
Posted by Robin at June 3, 2007 08:48 PM
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What fun! I had a sentimental streak as a child as well. Amazing the kinds of things that can be found 20 years later. Come my way, I have a couple extra laying around that work. I just bought a fancy new 3 in 1 couple months back.
Posted by: Andrea at June 3, 2007 11:44 PM
Scanner that as, not silly clowns!
Posted by: Andrea at June 3, 2007 11:45 PM
Ohhh! Don't throw away silly poetry! Keep them! I am not terribly sentimental, I sold my wedding dress a couple of months after the wedding. But I do keep all of my teen angst writings and drawings. I figure one big rubbermaid container or 80's crap is ok.
Posted by: jenB at June 4, 2007 02:28 AM
Okay, that was just mean. Somehow you knew that that would be the last image I would see before going to bed. And when I wake up from a fitful sleep hours later, Mr. Scary Clown-Face will still be burned into my brain.
Evil!
Posted by: Exena at June 4, 2007 03:03 AM
Look at that evil ass clown. Ready to bludgeon you and your family with his cheerfully striped umbrella as you sleep.
I lost virtually everything I had as a teenager. After I'd been married the first time for about four or five years my mother pitched everything I'd left at her house without even looking at what it was. What I did manage to have with me was in my garage and I didn't take it with me when I broke up with my first husband.
I miss the photos but not much else. Well, I miss my high school letter jacket and my class ring too.
Posted by: Dixie at June 4, 2007 03:03 PM
I have a scanner. Come visit. I'll break out the espresso maker.
Re: old poetry/diary--there was an off-broadway (I think) show that consisted solely of people reading those. It was hi-f***ing-larious.
Posted by: Jane at June 4, 2007 03:33 PM
HAHAHAHA That clown is hilarious! Oh, Robin, you are the best there is, sis.
Posted by: pkb at June 4, 2007 10:44 PM
sounds like the boxes in my basement that were stored at my m&d's house for several years. hell...they're still down there. i don't know what's in them. and quite frankly, i'm not sure i want to know...i get that sentimentally kinda feeling when i go through old crap. my best bet? having you and beqi over for greek mezze while we toss boxes instead of plates. hehe!
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