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One of my favorite things about the old house was the ginormous 100+ year-old maple tree in the front yard. Yeah, after losing two trees in the backyard in a matter of one month last fall, I had a healthy fear of The Behemouth, even though it shit sap all over the house and our truck in the spring and speared our roof with a branch a few months ago.

Okay, so maybe the new owners have the right idea. They're putting the beast out of its misery. Which saddens me. They could have just invested in a good trimming, like we did when we moved in, instead of destroying a huge, otherwise healthy source of shade, oxygen and squirrel-housing. I got the same sick feeling when B. told me about the tree-cutting that I got when I saw that Rebel flag.

How did he find out about the tree being removed? Our old neighbor called us. You know, the one who would call nightly and scream, "Hello?!?! HELLO?!??!" when we'd answered, like she didnt' actually expect anyone to answer her call. Well, I guess that's understandable, too. When we saw her number on the caller i.d. Saturday afternoon, B. and I both scattered and hid like we expected her to climb through the phone.

B. called her last night out of some misplaced sense of social obligation that I don't understand at all. He told me to make sure I was busy when he returned her call so he'd have a legitimate excuse to keep me from having to talk to her. I informed him that I had a legitimate excuse for not talking to her - I completed my social obligation to her the day I moved and therefore have no need to talk to her ever again. GOODBYE?!?!?!?

On her message she said she was calling about a "new neighbor issue". I assumed the issue probably pertained to the skin color of the new residents. Remember, this is the neighbor who recently said, "Might as well move. This neighborhood's only fit for blacks and Mexicans." Well, the new residents fall into one of those categories, so it seemed logical that she would be calling to scream at us about this situation.

No, that's not quite it. Seems that the new owners didn't hire the most experienced of tree surgeons to bring down The Behemouth. In the process, they cracked the massive limb that hangs over the neighbors' house. Tree Surgeon won't continue the job without a huge increase in liability insurance.

Our old house's new owner? Expects our neighbor to pay this insurance.

B.'s dying to go over and see the treem and possibly a fist fight between the new residents and our old neighbors. Me? No way. I know that seeing that tree decimated will break my heart. Besides, today a big limb fell off the tree in my new front yard, and I'm pretty sure it's a warning. Again, not logical, but I'm going to heed it.